Tag Archives: Milam

Taming The Demon

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darkness

You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed – Antoine de Saint-Exupery – The Little Prince

“Taming the Demon”

If I would have read a title like this 6 years ago, I would probably feel a knot in my stomach while reading it. I had to ask myself why such things, words, or sometimes numbers, make me feel uncomfortable. What I discovered was that it was all due to programming from society, the people around me and their view of good and bad, light and dark…but what do I really feel from my own experience?

I was originally going to name this blog “Taming the Cyclops” but decided to change it…This posting is about a dream that I had that seemed to be the beginning of several dreams over the last few years that  all revealed the same message.

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About 6 years ago I had a strange dream that helped to change my view of demons, monsters and nightmares. In the dream I was visiting my younger cousin Greg at his home. We ended up going to the shopping mall to have some lunch. I placed my personal belongings on a table in the food court, to show people that we were going to sit there and to save the table for us.

I went to order food and when I came back to the table, there were 3 men sitting in the space I had chosen. They appeared to be laborers or construction workers.  The men carelessly put their lunch right on top of my personal belongings, just totally disregarding that someone else might be sitting there.

I told one of the men that we were going to sit there and explained why all of my stuff was on the table. He ignored me and continued to eat. After a while of trying to get a response from him, I proceeded to gather my belongings from the table and in the process, had to move his food to get my stuff from under it. The man was FURIOUS…he quickly and forcefully stood up in front of me and began to yell and scream in my face.  As he was screaming, he began to morph into a huge Cyclops monster.

cyclops

The man’s body expanded as he grew taller and more muscular.  He began to aggressively growl and foam at the mouth and his teeth were razor sharp and glaring like a wild animal.  I could feel the humidity of his hot breath on my face.

To my surprise, I was not afraid. I stood right up to him and stared into his single eye. I began to forcefully yell at him and told him that he was being absolutely ridiculous…that he was letting his anger turn him into a demon. “STOP IT NOW!” …”DON’T YOU REALIZE THAT YOU’RE ALLOWING YOUR EMOTIONS TO CONTROL YOU?!”…”YOUR EMOTIONS ARE TURNING YOU INTO A MONSTER” …”LOOK AT YOURSELF!!!”

As I was shouting these words, I could feel a release from my core, there was such power behind it. My words seemed to slowly calm him down and he just continued to breathe heavily while I stared into his eye. My staring into his eye seemed to have a hypnotizing effect on him. Even though he calmed down, he didn’t turn back into a man, he stayed as a Cyclops, but his anger slowly dissipated. I was somehow able to tame him.

This is where the dream is kind of hazy…I don’t remember parts of it.  The dream somehow shifted to the Cyclops giving us a ride home. I’m not sure how that came about, but I somehow influenced him to do it.

pickuptruck

He had an old beat-up white pick-up truck and we sat in the back of the truck while he drove us home.

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Outside of the mall, it looked like a small Middle Eastern city and I could feel the dry heat of the desert air.  The air was thick and dusty and I could feel the warmth of the sun shining down on my skin.

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town

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We drove past a small marketplace of old buildings, shades of turquoise and blue, paint peeling off of the tattered walls. I could hear Arabic type music playing in the background.

As the Cyclops continued to drive us home, he kept slamming on his brakes and sharply turning corners so that we would tumble around in the back of the truck…he thought it was HILARIOUS and I could hear his deep belly laugh as he watched us with his single eye in the rear view mirror. I just told my cousin to ignore him and that we’d be home soon….

The Cyclops kept laughing so hard, such a joyful laugh, that it was contagious…It triggered my own laughter and as I began to laugh, then my cousin started to laugh. My cousin and I tumbling around in the back of the truck laughing hysterically…then I woke up…

Later when I thought about the dream, I realized that it was showing me that these monsters are created by ourselves…they are the creation of our own anger and emotions. When I told the Cyclops to stop being so ridiculous, he seemed to snap out of his rage and calm down…his behavior was now in his awareness…

At the end of the dream when we were all laughing, it showed me that I had brought joy to this monster that at one point wanted to rip me to shreds. By taming him and not trying to destroy or kill him, I had somehow healed a part of myself by bringing awareness to it and not trying to fight against it.

Something inside of me has changed as a result of this light shone in the deeply hidden darkness…there is a sense of unconditional Love and understanding for even the darkest aspects…realizing that it’s not an outside force, but merely a part of myself that just needed acknowledgment, acceptance for what it is, and forgiveness…

In resolution and graduation from the astral realm, we will take parts of ourselves that are not perfect…It’s the acknowledgement and acceptance of these parts of self that will allow the healing and release to the higher realms.  In my personal experience, we do not leave them behind…

We merely transcend them with Loving/Freeing recognition.

alchemy

LOVE ❤

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Taming the Jackal

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jackal

I’ve really been focusing and working on clearing the energy from my childhood trauma with my mom.  I’d already released most of the energy having to do with my step-dad, but still held a lot of resentment toward my mother for allowing his actions and not protecting me like a mother should.  For many years I had continuous nightmares with both of them in it….I’m not kidding, I was having these nightmares at least a few times a week for over 10 years…I’d always wake up screaming or crying.  I haven’t had anymore dreams like that for the past 2 years.  I thought that I was through with it, but these recent solar flares and energy downloads stirred up some deep down emotions that I had hidden.

Before I fell asleep last night, something happened that I can’t explain, but I felt my Heart open and release the resentment toward my mother.  I know I won’t get a resolution or apology from her in this lifetime, so it’s been made very clear to me that I just need to do this on my end.  Recently talking to my Dad (my real Father) about it has helped a lot since he’s the only one who truly understands how deeply my mother can hurt people (she took me away from him when I was 3 yrs old and didn’t allow him to see me anymore for her own selfish reasons…coincidently, a similar experience happened to me with my youngest son when he was 3 yrs old, so I totally understand what my Father must have gone through..EXTREMELY  DEVASTATING)… I’ve been meditating and asking for help in doing this for the past few days… I’ve also been wearing my Moldavite crystal everyday with the intention of it helping me to clear my Heart.  Last night something allowed me to do it.  I felt the shift.

When I fell asleep, I had a dream about my step-dad (my mom’s 2nd husband).  In the dream, he was standing very still next to me and I was transferring energy from myself to his body.  The energy was all of the hurt, hatred, prejudice, and disgusting things that he had done and said to me during my teenage years and early 20’s.  The energy was in the form of orbs and it was coming out of my body and going into his.  I was returning it to him.

When I briefly woke up from this dream, I was a little worried that I didn’t transmute that energy, and that I had just given it back to him.  I don’t like to do that because it just leaves the energy around to hurt someone else…but something assured me that this was the way it was supposed to be and I had done exactly what I was supposed to do in this situation.  Maybe it would be a part of his life lessons?  I’m not sure, but I was assured not to feel guilty about it.

Taming the Jackal 

Later I had another dream that I was in a guest house and my Uncle and my oldest (first born) son were there.  One of my friends walked in.  His name is Juan and he has always been extremely protective of me throughout our friendship.  I don’t think I’ve ever had another friend so protective of me.  Juan walked in and opened the back sliding glass door and I saw a beautiful gray puppy with blue eyes and an illuminated blue glow to it (the blue glow was like a 5D color).  The gray color was like the color of this blue pit bull in the picture below:

bluepit

I went toward the door to look at this beautiful puppy and an adult dog jumped in front of me…I realized that it wasn’t a normal dog, it looked like an Egyptian Jackal that was also the same beautiful gray color with the glowing blue energy coming out of it.  The Jackal was snarling and growling at me and looked really scary like a monster with sharp teeth showing.

All of a sudden the Jackal jumped on me and tackled me to the ground…I was in a seated position on the ground and the Jackal had its front arms around me in a very strong hold.  I couldn’t move because the grip around me was so strong.  The Jackal put its head on my lap and I could feel the hot breath on me as it was snarling and growling.

My friend who had opened the sliding glass door casually explained to me that the Jackal was tuning into my energy and if my energy was acceptable, it would walk away and let me be…but if my energy was not, it would attack me.  I was pretty upset because I couldn’t understand why Juan would let this monster into the house (especially when my son was there, and especially when Juan had always been so protective of me) and allow it to possibly hurt us.

I realized I was being judged by this Jackal and quickly understood the importance of centering my energy at that moment.  I cleared my mind and began to give the Jackal energy from my Heart center…I could feel the current of energy coming out of me and pouring into its body.  Slowly the Jackal’s grip around my body loosened and its entire body went limp.   The Jackal got so comfortable from my energy that it was lulled to sleep.  I thought it was still growling at me, but it was actually snoring!

I was able to move the Jackal off of me and stand up without waking it up because it was in such a deep sleep.  Everyone in the room was amazed…Juan asked me how I was able to put it to sleep because it had never gone to sleep before, and was always on patrol…I just looked at him and smiled without saying a word…then I woke up…

I’ve been thinking about what the message might be from this dream.  I’ve come to several conclusions, but the main message that I’m getting is that I’ve reached a certain point in my clearing.  With working through this childhood trauma, I’ve taken a huge weight off of my Heart.

Anubis Scale

In Egyptian Mythology, Anubis is the Egyptian Jackal God that oversees the underworld. He was known as a caretaker and protector of the dead.  Anubis would lead the dead in the Underworld at the Hall of Two Truths to a set of scales where his or her Heart was weighed against the feather of Truth.  This is where their fate would be decided – if their Heart was light enough, they would gain entrance into the perfect afterlife.  If their Heart was too heavy, they would be sent to the Devourer of the Dead.  The meaning that I’ll take from this dream is that my Heart is now light enough and Anubis has let me pass 🙂

Shiny Heart

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