Tag Archives: Initiation

The Awakening ~ Part 1

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awakening gif

The Awakening ~

When I first had my Kundalini awakening, I had absolutely NO IDEA what had happened or what I was feeling afterward.  The force of it blew me completely out of my body and I was suddenly in another realm.  I passed through the black void of nothingness  until I saw the essence of the Red Mahakala swirling around in the darkness. It looked like red smoke that formed into the face.

I had to pass through the Mahakala to enter the next realm. In this realm, out of the darkness, a beautiful swirling galaxy appeared before me. The stars seemed to have white and pinkish colors sparkling as the galaxy spiraled in motion (I had never seen the movie “Contact” at this point, but years later when I saw it, it brought tears to my eyes when Jodie Foster saw the Galaxy in the other realm).

I just stared at how profound and beautiful this Galaxy was, until I saw a disembodied face with a tall headpiece (like the Thai Buddha statues) appear before me. It came from the left side of my view.

The face was animated and had a violet/pink color emanating from it and I realized that the face was me!  It stared at me for a while, smiled and winked at me and then I was pulled back into this realm where my physical body was.

Once I came back to my body, all of my chakras were completely blown wide open.  As a result, I was feeling a swaying and tickling sensation on the top of my head (Crown) and in the middle of my chest (Heart Center). I was also seeing symbols floating in the air around me and would begin to see gridlines.  I would spend a lot of time staring at the top of my head, in the mirror, trying to figure out why I could feel it moving, but couldn’t see anything moving lol

Long story short, I eventually got on Google (aka my Guru – lol) and searched “feeling movement on the top of my head” and found information about chakras which led me to the info about Kundalini. Until then, I had no clue what a chakra or Kundalini was and didn’t know (remember) anything about Buddhism.   I did find a lot of stuff that would talk about “Spiritual Emergency” and about some people not being ready for Kundalini and having all sorts of problems.  After extensive research, I decided that the best thing for me to do was to remove as many blocks as I could, and to learn how to work with this force that had completely ripped through my body.

I did a lot of comparison and decided to attend some Reiki Tummo workshops mainly because they worked with the Kundalini energy, removed chakra knots, widened the shushumna and also because they are very focused on strengthening the Heart Center.  I knew I would really need to work on my Heart because I had a lot of childhood trauma and had been in protection-mode for most of my life.

I had been sent to Pennsylvania for a work related 4 month detail when I had my awakening. During this time, I was conducting an investigation on a facility in Reading.  The closest workshop that I found was in Maryland…so within the first month of my awakening, I signed up and took the 3 hour drive to attend the workshop.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into but I felt really good about my decision.

The Attunement (Initiation) ~

The house that the workshop was held at was SO beautiful.  It just felt so mystical with beautiful spiritual artwork, crystals and art pieces from other countries throughout the home.  There was a strong presence of Divine Feminine energy.  When I looked out into the backyard, there was a forest of tall thin aspen trees and everything was white and glistening from the recent snow.  The owner had Husky dogs with white eyes that greeted me at the patio doors as I was staring into the forest in awe.

We all sat in the basement as we listened to Carlos Nakai flute music and were surrounded by the soft scent of sandalwood incense.  They were very respectful and required that everyone be very quiet which made the whole experience feel so sacred. When we had the initial group attunement, I felt a massive amount of Blissful liquid energy forcefully pouring into the top of my head.  It was so strong that it caused my head to move in a circular spiral motion.  When I opened my eyes and looked around the room I could see other people moving in a circular spiral motion too.  There were some advanced practitioners who actually had huge smiles on their faces and had their eyes rolled back into their head as they were spiraling !  I’m not kidding, their eyes were completely white!  They were so overtaken with Bliss from the attunement.

During part of the workshop, in small groups, we would all stand around a person lying on the table, and would all channel energy to the person on the table.  The point and intention of this practice was to open the person’s shushumna and to clear/widen the pathway. As I was channeling the energy through my hands, I felt it start to shoot out of my Heart Center.  It was such a beautiful feeling to have this Divine energy coursing through my Heart.  It felt like a pumping motion as it was pouring out.  I was surprised when one of the instructors came close to my ear and softly whispered “Yes, that’s it…use your Heart”.  It was then that I realized that she could actually see everything that I was feeling.

At times during the workshop, I felt out of place because everyone was so patient and Loving and I wasn’t used to being around people like that.  I was still working in law enforcement and had been pretty hardened by my environment.  I knew that I had a lot of work to do and probably one of the most difficult things that I’ve had to work through was getting over the feeling of not being worthy or not good enough to experience this Divine energy.  I guess growing up around Catholics will do that to you…haha

The Clearing ~

After the class, I took the 3 hour drive back to Pennsylvania.  When I got to my hotel room, I cried the entire night.  The initial cleansing process from such a huge influx of energy was brutal!  Before I ended up falling asleep, I asked ‘God’ why I was chosen to experience this and said that I felt that I wasn’t worthy because I had so much negativity from my life. As I was falling asleep and was in that in-between state, I felt something hug/envelope my body and stroke my face in comfort. It lulled me to sleep.

I remember waking up a few times throughout the night and would see symbols flashing one after another in the air above me.  I was getting some type of download.  Many years later, I saw a video where Lisa Renee called this type of download a “ticker tape” download.  That’s a perfect explanation of what I experienced that night…symbol after symbol flashing one after another for several hours.

Early in the morning when I woke up, I saw a little bright blue orb fluttering around in front of my face.  It had little sparkles coming off of it that looked like pixie dust and it landed on my pillow in front of me as it slowly faded out of sight.

Because of the massive cleansing that I was going through from the attunement, I couldn’t attend the 2nd class that was scheduled the next day.  I ended up staying in bed crying the whole weekend.  I had lots of weird stuff happen during those 2 days in bed going in and out of sleep.  I remember that I had a painting on the wall next to my bed and it was of a lake with a tree next to it, on a sunny day.  One time when I woke from sleep, the painting was of the same lake and tree, only it was winter and snowing!  The symbols continued to download and I continued to feel something stroking my face and arm in comfort.

I rescheduled the 2nd class for a month later, but the only one available was at a totally different location in Pennsylvania.  This class would be with a different group of people.  I’ll write about that experience in another post.

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Love ❤

 

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Taming The Demon

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You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed – Antoine de Saint-Exupery – The Little Prince

“Taming the Demon”

If I would have read a title like this 6 years ago, I would probably feel a knot in my stomach while reading it. I had to ask myself why such things, words, or sometimes numbers, make me feel uncomfortable. What I discovered was that it was all due to programming from society, the people around me and their view of good and bad, light and dark…but what do I really feel from my own experience?

I was originally going to name this blog “Taming the Cyclops” but decided to change it…This posting is about a dream that I had that seemed to be the beginning of several dreams over the last few years that  all revealed the same message.

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About 6 years ago I had a strange dream that helped to change my view of demons, monsters and nightmares. In the dream I was visiting my younger cousin Greg at his home. We ended up going to the shopping mall to have some lunch. I placed my personal belongings on a table in the food court, to show people that we were going to sit there and to save the table for us.

I went to order food and when I came back to the table, there were 3 men sitting in the space I had chosen. They appeared to be laborers or construction workers.  The men carelessly put their lunch right on top of my personal belongings, just totally disregarding that someone else might be sitting there.

I told one of the men that we were going to sit there and explained why all of my stuff was on the table. He ignored me and continued to eat. After a while of trying to get a response from him, I proceeded to gather my belongings from the table and in the process, had to move his food to get my stuff from under it. The man was FURIOUS…he quickly and forcefully stood up in front of me and began to yell and scream in my face.  As he was screaming, he began to morph into a huge Cyclops monster.

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The man’s body expanded as he grew taller and more muscular.  He began to aggressively growl and foam at the mouth and his teeth were razor sharp and glaring like a wild animal.  I could feel the humidity of his hot breath on my face.

To my surprise, I was not afraid. I stood right up to him and stared into his single eye. I began to forcefully yell at him and told him that he was being absolutely ridiculous…that he was letting his anger turn him into a demon. “STOP IT NOW!” …”DON’T YOU REALIZE THAT YOU’RE ALLOWING YOUR EMOTIONS TO CONTROL YOU?!”…”YOUR EMOTIONS ARE TURNING YOU INTO A MONSTER” …”LOOK AT YOURSELF!!!”

As I was shouting these words, I could feel a release from my core, there was such power behind it. My words seemed to slowly calm him down and he just continued to breathe heavily while I stared into his eye. My staring into his eye seemed to have a hypnotizing effect on him. Even though he calmed down, he didn’t turn back into a man, he stayed as a Cyclops, but his anger slowly dissipated. I was somehow able to tame him.

This is where the dream is kind of hazy…I don’t remember parts of it.  The dream somehow shifted to the Cyclops giving us a ride home. I’m not sure how that came about, but I somehow influenced him to do it.

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He had an old beat-up white pick-up truck and we sat in the back of the truck while he drove us home.

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Outside of the mall, it looked like a small Middle Eastern city and I could feel the dry heat of the desert air.  The air was thick and dusty and I could feel the warmth of the sun shining down on my skin.

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We drove past a small marketplace of old buildings, shades of turquoise and blue, paint peeling off of the tattered walls. I could hear Arabic type music playing in the background.

As the Cyclops continued to drive us home, he kept slamming on his brakes and sharply turning corners so that we would tumble around in the back of the truck…he thought it was HILARIOUS and I could hear his deep belly laugh as he watched us with his single eye in the rear view mirror. I just told my cousin to ignore him and that we’d be home soon….

The Cyclops kept laughing so hard, such a joyful laugh, that it was contagious…It triggered my own laughter and as I began to laugh, then my cousin started to laugh. My cousin and I tumbling around in the back of the truck laughing hysterically…then I woke up…

Later when I thought about the dream, I realized that it was showing me that these monsters are created by ourselves…they are the creation of our own anger and emotions. When I told the Cyclops to stop being so ridiculous, he seemed to snap out of his rage and calm down…his behavior was now in his awareness…

At the end of the dream when we were all laughing, it showed me that I had brought joy to this monster that at one point wanted to rip me to shreds. By taming him and not trying to destroy or kill him, I had somehow healed a part of myself by bringing awareness to it and not trying to fight against it.

Something inside of me has changed as a result of this light shone in the deeply hidden darkness…there is a sense of unconditional Love and understanding for even the darkest aspects…realizing that it’s not an outside force, but merely a part of myself that just needed acknowledgment, acceptance for what it is, and forgiveness…

In resolution and graduation from the astral realm, we will take parts of ourselves that are not perfect…It’s the acknowledgement and acceptance of these parts of self that will allow the healing and release to the higher realms.  In my personal experience, we do not leave them behind…

We merely transcend them with Loving/Freeing recognition.

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LOVE ❤

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