Category Archives: Lessons in Life

Scary Monsters


I’ve noticed a lot of fear popping up in the Spiritual community.  There seems to be a fear of predator energy, a “someone out to get you” theme going around.  What I’m referring to specifically is people rallying against certain teachers saying they’re “not of the true light” “assaulting in the astral realm” etc…  It’s almost like a modern day witch hunt.  It makes me sad to see this in the lightworker community, but at the same time I know that it’s something that these souls have agreed to play out in this lifetime.  It is the dismantling of fear.

I recognize this energy because of a scary experience that I had with a self proclaimed Toltec Sorcerer/Shaman very early-on in my awakening.  It was a scenario that played out in my life with the teacher/student theme.  In the beginning, I only knew that he was a Shaman and wouldn’t find out that he was a sorcerer until after I had agreed to be his apprentice.  I’ll briefly explain a bit of what happened…

Back in 2009, I had taken a trip to the little town of Mesilla, New Mexico, with my (ex) boyfriend.  We were driving through a little street behind the shops and when I looked over to my right, I saw a Native American man with long black hair standing on the sidewalk.  He stood there staring at me…our eyes locked.  He was dressed in all white and had a headband on his head that had rainbow colored beading on it.  As I was staring back at him, he reached his hand up to the side of his face and saluted me as he continued to stare.  I have no idea why I immediately saluted him back…it was just a reflex.

I told my boyfriend that the man had just saluted me and a second later, when I turned my head to point to him, he was gone.  We drove around again looking for him but we didn’t see him anywhere.  It made me wonder if he was really there, or just a spiritual vision/visitation.

I was searching for jobs at the time and was so intrigued by what had happened that day, that I had put in for a government job in a town close to Mesilla.  Very shortly after that, I got the job without even being interviewed!  It just fell into my lap.

To sum it up, there was a man that worked there who had a Native American background. He was an older man with gray hair and a strange white glaze over his eyes.  He told me that he had sent out a request (and did a ritual) for an apprentice to carry on his tradition.  He said he knew I was coming (spiritually) because some employees had killed a snake in the parking lot of the building and chopped its head off.  They had brought the headless snake to him to identify what type of snake it was.  In his belief system, he took that as a sign that someone was coming and because the employees didn’t respect the snake, it would be someone who would not appear to be significant.

As naïve as I was at the time, I thought that he would be my teacher and that it was “meant to be” because of the Native American man saluting me in Mesilla and because I got this job so easily.  I had no idea that this was some crazy Karma stuff that I needed to work through with this man.  Long story short, He did some stuff that led me to believe that he was trying to “steal my soul” and it was the absolute scariest thing I’ve EVER been through.  Toward the end of the whole ordeal, I went through one night of terror where the weather changed very quickly, sounded like someone was walking on my roof and the wind sounded like it was going to blow my house down.  I laid in my bed clenching my Black Tourmaline and invoking the Violet Flame! Lol  I don’t scare easily, so I knew that there were other forces at work here…There’s a very distinct feeling to it, and I will always be able to recognize that signature from now on.

I ended up quitting the job and moving back to Arizona within that week.  I still went through scary feelings for a while after I left.  It was a lot of fear to work through for me and a whole process of coming into my own power.  My closure came when one day my boyfriend had gone fishing and saw a snake in the road that had been partially run over by a car.  The snake was still alive and suffering, so he chopped its head off in an effort to end the suffering.

He brought the headless snake home and it was still moving/wiggling around.  I burnt some sage, did some Reiki and said a prayer over the snake.  When I asked the snake to forgive him and to move on to Source, the snake immediately stopped moving.  My boyfriend said he saw heat waves (life force energy) come out of the snake in that moment.  That was my symbolic closure for what I had gone through with the sorcerer.  The loop had been closed.  I felt completely free of any ties/cords/contracts after that.

But in the end it made me so much stronger and taught me not to depend on anyone to decide what I should do or to protect me.  I had a lot to learn at that point and even though he scared the crap out of me, I now realize that he was helping me to pull the strength from within myself…to stand firm in my own power.  He was a Shaman, although a bit dark (and creepy), I now recognize that he was a master teacher and I am Grateful for his lesson.


When you work through your shadows, make your dark aspects conscious, have an integration of all parts of self, there is no longer fear of something “outside” of self.

It’s an understanding so deep that there are not even words to describe the unification, the understanding of all that is.  I guess it’s like a Shamanistic view of darkness, for what it is, what it REALLY is.

Fear is a tricky thing.  It is probably the most difficult “program” to work through…so deeply embedded. When something pings that fear in our bodies, our minds can start making up all sorts of stories.  We see connections and “signs” that point toward whatever it is that we are going to create.  We pick them out, select them from many options.  It makes for an exciting story doesn’t it?

Choosing fear is a crossroads moment.  We choose…we ALWAYS have the ability to choose.  There can be signs EVERYWHERE to remind us of this:

F E A R – False Evidence Appearing Real

“Choose Love or Fear – the choice is yours”

“LOVE is all there is”

“Fears are stories we tell ourselves”

“Fear and courage are brothers”

“Fear is the prison – Love is the exit”

But yet, sometimes we still choose fear.  From what I understand, fear was originally a program for survival purposes…but it eventually evolved into something else in a world that is severely out of balance.  Just take a look at the “Horror” industry.  People use fear and being scared as entertainment.  I will admit, I do like a scary psychological thriller as entertainment once in a while.  It can be an adrenaline rush.  Since childhood, I’ve always liked twisted mind benders…it stretches the boundaries of “in the box” thinking.

It’s all a matter of perspective…

Fear can be used as a tool.  If you so choose, it can show you where there are vulnerabilities, where something is still being held that needs Love/transmuting. In this process, sometimes we need fear to kick us in the ass to get us moving again.  On my own journey, sometimes I needed something “bad” or uncomfortable to happen, to kick me out of my comfort zone…or used fear to remind me that I was much stronger than that, that I was running an old program that was still in the last throes of existence.

When you look at it from a detached observer view, without emotion involved, you can see a clearer view, for what it really is.  Fear is a reminder.

The darkness is a teacher, an old friend in agreement to show you your own light.

As the darkness envelopes the night sky, it allows you to see the brilliant flickering emanation of the stars.

A Master Teacher will “show” you and remind you where your light is…where your strength lies within…and will continue to do so, until it is unwavering and impenetrable.

It’s like “tough Love” lessons that your children have to go through.  Sometimes a parent won’t bail them out or “save” them, so that they’ll learn how to save themselves.  That is our responsibility as a parent, to teach our children how to become responsible and independent adults…and so is the role of fear.

We are evolving into Unity Consciousness.  As the old programs of separation flicker in and out of existence, we may have moments of condensed triggers…fluctuating between worlds.  It’s important, if not crucial, to stay in your Heart Center during this time.  If you’re feeling fear, take a moment to step back and detach in observer mode.  Get out of the mind and into the Heart space.

After many experiences and lessons with fear, I’ve come to the realization that nobody is trying to hurt me.  It’s only a game, a learning experience that is actually in my best interest.  Staying in my Heart has always provided me with the answers.  Finding the stillness within has always provided the space for Loving guidance.

When we truly believe and embody that knowing, the last veil of separation will slowly start to unravel…Unity Consciousness will be revealed.  There is no separation.  It is all you and it is all in Love.  Perspective is a master key…the stillness is your sanctuary…the Heart is your guide ❤


Awareness/Realization/Embodiment/Integration/Be-ing/I AM that


Bifurcation ~ Choose wisely 😉


Love ❤

❤ ❤ ❤


 ~* ❤ *~



Teachers In Disguise



Last night I did three separate meditations ; An Open Heart meditation, a Grounding meditation, and then a Tummo meditation that works with the Kundalini energy and the shushumna.  Something is nudging me to focus more on clearing my Heart and grounding lately.  When I went to sleep I had a dream about my boyfriend.  Usually the dreams that I have of him are very stressful…he seems to go out of his way to upset me and the dreams are very emotional.   I’ve even had dreams that he’s plotted to kill me…LOL

Last night I had a dream that he invited all of his friends from El Paso, Texas, to stay at our house for 2 weeks without telling me first.  There were about 10 of them…I had a house full of people and I didn’t know why.  I was looking for him in the house and his friends were being loud and obnoxious, laughing at me and making comments that were kinda pissing me off…they all knew I was upset and they were making fun of me…this went on for a while as I became more and more upset.

Finally, at the end of the dream, he came into my bedroom and was facing the wall away from me…I told him that I wanted to know why he didn’t let me know that so many people were going to be staying for 2 weeks.  He wouldn’t turn to face me, or speak, and I became even angrier.

Enlightened Buddha

Then all of a sudden he turned around and started to talk to me…I realized that he looked like an enlightened Buddha with piercing blue eyes.  My boyfriend is Hispanic, but in the dream he looked exactly like a Buddha.  I knew it was him though, even though it didn’t look like him, it was still him.  Then I woke up…

The message that I got from the dream is that he actually IS one of my teachers.  When I thought about the dream and really analyzed it, I burst into tears.  This huge uncontrollable emotion came over me and I started to cry.  I noticed that I get these emotional outbursts when I receive a profound realization.  It’s not a normal type of crying, it’s coming from deep within my core like a huge pressure sensation and then I need to cry to let the pressure out.

Every time he’s pushed my buttons and done things that I just can’t believe he would do, have all been to test me and to teach me a lesson about Patience and Unconditional Love.  It’s all part of my lessons in mastering emotions.  I’m sure he’s not aware of it on this level, but maybe he really is my teacher from another level…I also realized that I had been viewing him as someone who’s asleep and not Spiritually awakened…but what if he’s actually a master?  Who am I to determine what his Spiritual status is?  My own arrogance was blocking me from seeing the Divine in him…All of that added to the emotions that I was experiencing and gave me a new perspective.

So I told my boyfriend about the dream and jokingly told him that he was my Buddha master….His reply was?….He’s a “booty” master…. (sigh) and (eye roll)….Only HE could downplay such a profound moment in my journey! LOL

~ *** ~

The Rude Buddhist Monk


I had another dream a few years ago that I was walking through a Buddhist monastery…there was a large group of monks sitting on the floor meditating and a monk standing in front of them.  The monk walked over to me and said with an arrogant tone “What are YOU doing here”?…”Shouldn’t you be at a Starbuck’s getting your coffee, or out shopping or something”? …I began to feel anger rising inside of me and couldn’t believe that this monk was being so rude to me for no reason.

All of a sudden, the anger completely went away and I calmly said to the monk “You can make fun of me if it makes you feel better about yourself, but I’m not going to let you affect me”…There was a brief silence, and after a few moments, the group of meditating monks all stood up and started clapping… the rude monk smiled, put his hands together and bowed toward me…then I woke up…

If I treat every person in this lifetime that tests me or pushes my buttons, like they’re an undercover master teacher, then I can react differently to whatever it is they’re doing.  From this moment onward, I’m going to view everyone as a teacher that’s teaching me how to control my emotions.  I feel excited about this, like I’ve received the answers right before a big exam…  I got this 😉


**After writing this blog, I found a post from April 5, 2013 that was in sync with the feeling I had of being tested…the post can be found here: