Monthly Archives: February 2013

Trip to Sedona – February 17, 2013

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I’ve felt a nudge to go to Sedona, so my boyfriend and I went on Sunday (Feb. 17).  It was such a beautiful day, about 65 degrees with a nice breeze.  The spot that I visit most frequently is Bell Rock vortex…I feel a pretty strong connection with that area, so that’s been the vortex of choice for the past few years.

I noticed that I got some white streaks in some of the pictures.  It just occurred to me today, that I’ve actually been seeing an illuminated white streak of light in my peripheral vision for about a year.  I mostly see the streak of light when I’m in the dark, but occasionally do see it in the daytime too.  Maybe what I’ve been seeing is what was captured in these pictures?

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We could see “The Chapel of the Holy Cross” from where we were sitting at Bell Rock, so on our way out, we decided at the last minute to visit the church.  We’ve seen the church before, but this was the first time that we’ve made a trip to that area.  I didn’t realize that it was a Catholic church until we got there…my boyfriend is Catholic, so I feel that this visit was more for him.  I know he’s felt some sadness from all of the events that have taken place recently with the Catholic church…and also the Pope resigning and the Vatican being hit by lightning shortly after!  It must be a very confusing time for him and his Faith.

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When we walked into the church we both immediately felt a rush of energy.  We just sat there in silence at the very back of the church and I felt my body enveloped with a Blissful current.  Within minutes, I felt some reaching into my 3rd eye area, followed by the warm water sensation coming in at my Crown.  I told my boyfriend that I was feeling so much energy that I wanted to share it with him, so he gave me his hand and I made the intention of letting him feel what I was feeling…he said he felt the energies move into him and they were working on different parts of his body even though I was only touching his right hand.

After a while of sitting there, my boyfriend turned to me and whispered that he was sorry for everything he had done to hurt or upset me over the years…when I looked at him, I realized he was crying.  I told him that I forgave him but explained that he’s not to blame for anything because it was me that had created it for my own life lessons.  He did those things to teach us what we needed to learn.  We both felt better and I believe that it was forgiven and released.  A huge weight was lifted off of both of us and we’ve been getting along wonderfully since.

I’ve made the firm decision that I’ll be moving out of his house at the end of March.  It’s a ‘for sure’ thing now, no “maybe’s” this time…This is IT…this chapter in my life has come to an end.  We’ve been sleeping in separate rooms for years and haven’t been “together” in a very long time…it’s not fair to stay any longer and keep him from finding a relationship that will suit him better.  I only want him to be Happy…I feel that the tension between us needed to be healed before I leave and this was the perfect opportunity.  Even though the last 5 years with him have been pretty crappy, I do feel a deep sadness in letting go.  Most people would probably be happy leaving after all that we’ve been through, but I feel sad.  I’ve learned a lot about Forgiveness and Patience being with him…..maybe he’s been one of my greatest teachers 🙂

Healing the Sea of Sadness

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I meant to post this on FEBRUARY 16, 2013, but didn’t get around to it…

The past few days I was an emotional wreck.  I cried for 2 days straight starting on Feb. 13th, like REALLY crying non-stop all day and all night…thinking of all the sad things that had happened to me throughout my entire life…my poor excuse for a mother, my nightmare stepdad who hated me, no family support, no true friends, nobody ever defending me or sticking up for me as a child of abuse, and also focus on how awful my current relationship with my boyfriend was and how he was so unthoughtful…it’s sort of like I was just feeling sorry for myself for everything that I had been through and for the support system that I didn’t have.  On the third day, I came to the realization of what was causing this.  It was sort of a merge with a part of me that had been repressed during my childhood and part of my adulthood.

This sadness was unlike anything I had ever experienced before…I feel that if it had gone on any longer than it did, I might not have wanted to be alive anymore.  It sort of showed me what other people go through when they lose the will to live.  If they don’t know how to release it and just continue to focus on it, it can grow much bigger.  It was the ultimate feeling of hopelessness and rejection…not fitting in, not having a support system of friends or family like other people do, not feeling important or any purpose in life, nobody checking up on you or worrying about you when you’re missing or gone for long periods of time.

When I woke from sleep on the 3rd day, I immediately had a sudden knowing of why I was feeling so much sadness…it was explained to me that all this sadness wanted,  was just to be acknowledged.  I had pushed it aside and tried to ignore it for so many years, but it was time to let it express itself.  I treated the sadness like an actual person and while meditating, I sent it Love and comfort, Forgiveness, saying sorry for what it had been through…

After all of that was done, the sadness seemed to go away.   I had ignored it and pushed it aside all of my life because I had treated it like it was a weakness.  I did exactly what my mother did to me…she always sent me to my room and told me she didn’t want to hear it.  I was doing the same exact thing to my own feelings.  Sometimes all something or someone wants is to be able to express itself, to be heard…just acknowledgement and a little sympathy for what they’re going through…that’s all it takes, it’s that simple.  Such a small gesture can heal an entire lifetime of sadness.

I feel like I healed and released something VERY BIG.  I’m just so Grateful that I was able to figure it out because this was HUGE.  I do believe that I almost didn’t make it out….There’s a very fine line in releasing this type of energy…on one hand, you need to let it express itself, so you must feel it and experience it…but on the other hand, it can get so overwhelming and explode into this huge sea of emotions, that you might not be able to keep your head above water to see the way out.  That’s why it’s so important to always stay in the Heart…meditate on your Heart center for the answers and for help…the Heart will always shine the light to find your way out of the darkness ❤

**After posting this, I found an article on Feb. 27th about Pope Benedict's public farewell speech…in an emotional farewell, he was quoted as saying : “There were moments of joy and light but also moments that were not easy … there were moments, as there were throughout the history of the Church, when the seas were rough and the wind blew against us and it seemed that the Lord was sleeping”.  That was a pretty big sync for me…wow! 🙂

The article can be found here:

http://news.yahoo.com/huge-crowd-st-peters-square-popes-last-audience-092643759.html

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Energy Sensations

My skin has been very itchy for the past few days and last night my skin felt like a burning sensation…mainly on my legs…it was sort of like the hot cold burning you feel when you put on menthol or Icy Hot rub on your skin.  There was no explanation for it because I hadn’t put any lotions or anything like that and it just came out of nowhere.  I’ll go to the doctor next week to get some tests done just to make sure it’s not diabetes or something else…better to be safe…but I definitely have something going on with my nerves throughout my body.

I’m also feeling some movement on my body…lots of swirly movement on my neck and my 3rd eye and temple area for the past 2 days…almost like the energy is pushing and pulling in a gentle massage…also lots of Crown activity and energies pouring in to my head.   My nerves have been extremely active and I’ve felt an exaggerated amount of random twitching for the past few days on my legs, arms, face, neck, and my knees…also an arthritis type aching feeling in my knees.  I’m actually feeling something move out of the left side of my head as I’m typing this.

Sometimes I get this strange tingly sensation like something’s touching me on my arm, and when I look at my arm, I’ll have goose bumps only on the spot that I felt was being touched.  It just happened right now when I was in the kitchen and I showed my boyfriend.  It’s so weird, just goose bumps in small patches almost like fingerprints or something.  I showed one of my friends once and she said it almost looked like it was spelling out a word on my arm!

Everything feels different today.  Not sure if it’s because I released so much sadness a few days ago, but I’m definitely not the same.  Something’s happening but I’m not sure what it is.  I just feel completely different.  When I woke up this morning, I heard a chirp in my room.  It was almost like a cricket but somehow it was different and I knew that’s not what it was.  I heard 3 single chirps about 8 seconds apart and then it stopped.  I always hear internal noises when I’m in that half awake half asleep state, so maybe it was just something like that…usually it’s bells ringing or exploding noises that will startle me awake.  This time the chirp seemed so comforting…somehow it made me feel like everything was going to be ok 🙂

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After going through this recent experience of pulling myself out of this sea of sadness, my interpretation of “walking on water” has a whole different meaning to me…

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Love ❤

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Walkingonwater

The Void Space

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I meant to post this yesterday, but didn’t get around to it…

Haven’t written in a while because I’ve been at a complete stand still…definitely in a void right now.  I realized that nothing about me is familiar anymore.  I have no identity…I’ve been cleared like a clean slate.  Not sure if it’s uncomfortable because I don’t have anything to compare it to!  Everything is gone from my energy field…all preferences are gone, don’t even know what I like or don’t like anymore.  Nothing appeals to me like in a “desire” kind of way, like indulging in a favorite food or smelling a favorite scent.  I have no addictions anymore or cravings.  But it does seem kinda “Blah” and I’m not sure what to do with this yet.  I’m sure it’ll get better once I learn how to navigate.  I do feel very dizzy still, and fuzzy throughout the day…like I’m not really here.

This seems to feel like I’m being rebuilt…lots of restructuring going on…not physical like feeling the work being done, but on a consciousness level, and so many possibilities are available, I’m just taking my time to choose (I guess?). ..or maybe I won’t even choose, and it’ll all just fall into place?  Haven’t felt much physical “work” being done on me, but when I wake up in the morning, I feel a humming energy that is enveloped around my body.  When I open my eyes, I can see it…it resembles water, it’s transparent, and kinda looks like this without the blue color:

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It’s like I’m immersed in an abyss of nothingness just waiting to be created into something….something to create my whole self….only I’m not choosing anything yet.

I remember reading an article about “The Void” space you go into when you die…I tried to find it, but wasn’t able to track it down…wish I could find it so I could include it in this post.  The article said something along the lines of if you can wait and not rush to choose anything right away out of fear, then you would eventually manifest/create the Heavenly realms.  It suggested that when we die, most people panic and are in a state of confusion searching for any “white light” to get out of the darkness and stillness…they search for something familiar to them to find comfort because they are uncomfortable and lonely in the darkness and Peacefulness of the void (basically they are searching for something outside of themselves)…but it said that rushing into that will usually pull them into another reincarnation realm and they’ll start the whole process all over again. I strongly resonate with that article. How can you create Heaven within yourself if you’re always looking for something outside of yourself for comfort?  Patience and detachment are key.  Not searching for anything familiar will allow something new to bloom.  So maybe that’s what I’m doing?

A theme that I also seem to be experiencing right now is two extreme polarities cancelling each other out…really can’t put it into words, but there is some mental work being done on me that involves bringing opposites together and neutralizing them…adding to more of the “blank slate” feeling I’ve been having…I feel that positive and empowering affirmations will be the next step once I’m done with this phase, but will have to be patient and wait until this part is completed.

Well, so far manifesting in everyday life is working for me…like surprisingly quick!  There were 3 things that I really felt strongly (emotionally) over the past few months that should happen, and they all happened last week.  It caught me by surprise and I had to really step back and ask myself “Did I really do that, was it me that manifested that?”  It helped to remind me that I really have to monitor my thoughts and use a lot of discipline when it comes to thinking and feeling while in an emotional state…and I have to keep free will in mind, and take other’s paths into consideration.  That’s even more of a reason to leave Phoenix and move away from my boyfriend. I’ve postponed the move until March because I’m getting a strong message to stay until then.

People are super nice to me, to the point that it’s really weird and I don’t know how to react.  Been feeling a little nudge to get in contact with certain family members again.  Just called one of my cousins and he was SO happy to hear from me, it was so refreshing.  I feel so Loved… Yes, things are definitely changing on a more positive note.  Becoming aware of the power that you have and using it responsibly is a wonderful feeling.  I’ve been trusted with something so delicate and so guarded and protected.  I vow to use it wisely…for the Highest of Good for all :-).

LOVE ❤

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**After writing this post, I found a Karen Bishop post on Feb. 15 that is very helpful in understanding this phase that some of us may be experiencing at the moment:

http://www.gamabooks.com/2.15.2013.html

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**And on Feb. 22nd, I found this post by Maureen Moss:

http://lightworkers.org/channeling/177523/truth-about-your-transformation-which-truth-our-transformation

 

.** I found an article similar to the one I was referring to above.  This one is from Tom Kenyon channeling the Hathors.  In it he says:

As with the other two transition states of consciousness, the death realm has a void point, and its dominant features are stillness (silence) and darkness. All possibilities exist within the Void, but no actuality is in existence. It is like the acorn of an oak tree. The oak, the giant tree itself, is potentially within the acorn, but it does not yet exist.

So when you find yourself in the Void, which you will recognize by the fact that you are utterly alone in darkness and utter stillness, know that you are in the central nexus of your creative powers.

What you choose to create next will determine the course of your destiny and what worlds you will inhabit or realms of existence you will reside in. This is a critical juncture.

Many persons frightened by the darkness move to the light prematurely. And what they do not realize is that in their yearning they create the light. A portal opens before them, like a tunnel, and they can move into this tunnel of light, encountering those they have known before, thereby entering back into embodiment or other vibratory realms of existence without having fully understood the consequences. This is certainly one option open to you, and one that is often taken.

Another option, however, is to remain at the void point, residing in the Void itself, becoming aware of your Self as pure consciousness—transcendent to all phenomena.

If you reside in this state of awareness long enough without the need to create something, you will discover your identity as the great I Am. And from this point of awareness you can choose the circumstances of your embodiment. You can choose the worlds you will inhabit or the realms of consciousness where you will reside.

This latter method gives you the greatest opportunities, though it is the most difficult for most people. And the reason for this difficulty has to do with the fact that most humans find it uncomfortable to not have a body. The yearning for a body and the experience of the material world often draws a person from the Void prematurely.

The whole post can be found here:

http://tomkenyon.com/transition-states-of-consciousness