Monthly Archives: November 2012

Energy Sensations-Update November 22, 2012

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I don’t know what happened to me yesterday…I woke up at 9am, ate some food, fell back asleep at 11am and didn’t fully wake up until 10pm at night.  The sleepy feeling was so strong that it was like I was drugged or something.  I don’t feel any pain, I’m not sick and I don’t have any symptoms of the flu.  Just EXTREMELY sleepy.  I even took a shower in the morning, and I totally didn’t remember that I’d done that…the only way I knew was because my hair was all messy from drying while I was asleep.  It’s like I’m here but I’m really not here.

While I was asleep, I had lots of dreams.  Strange confusing stuff… I remember one dream where I was cutting up something on a cutting board, and I realized that it was an eyelid with eyelashes on it…there wasn’t any blood, but it was just so bizarre. Yuck…why would I even think of something like that? Lots of weird dreams…just flashes of different things…also felt REALLY hot,  but without a fever…that usually means that it’s Kundalini working or “Tummo” heat.

I woke up briefly sometime in the evening because I felt something on my right arm.  For the first time ever, I was able to see what was on my arm…it was a blurry rectangle with little specks in it that looked like bubbles.  Almost like a rectangle made out of water, if you can imagine that… I’ve never been able to see anything on me, when I feel “work” being done…but this time I was able to finally see something clearly (even though I have no idea what it was). That’s so funny because I always imagined that it was a being or some type of silhouette of energy…nope, just rectangular water – LOL

The last time I felt this sleepy was a few years ago when I slept for almost 60 hours.  Throughout that hibernation episode, I experienced going to “The Void” of nothingness where I was pure consciousness without a body…in Buddhism they call it “Jhana”.   I even stopped breathing while in the Void.  I also had lots of work being done on me, had many strange dreams, and only woke up briefly to get food or water.  I remember colors being reversed when I briefly woke up…like the clock and picture of flowers on my desk top; the clock was normally blue and the flowers were orange, but when I woke up the clock was orange and the flowers were blue…so weird…

Well, I can’t sleep for days this time, because today is Thanksgiving.  I’m cooking an entire dinner.  I asked my Higher Self to do whatever it needed to do last night, because today is off limits…even if I have to drink lots of coffee, I’m staying awake to cook!

As for recent energy sensations….for the past few days I’ve been feeling movement in the bottom of my feet…like clusters of nerves twitching together and almost cramping up.  Also lots of movement on the lower legs and that weird feeling like there’s movement in my bones.  I’ve had random nerves twitching throughout my body, but mostly in my face.  Seem to be some big changes going on physically.   My body movements feel heavy like I’m walking through pudding – LOL… just overall feeling like a sloth :-(.  Oh, and this morning, I feel like my energy field is really open and vulnerable…like it’s been expanded…I just want to stay home today away from the public.

Number sequences are showing up a lot too…I’ve been seeing 999 everywhere, and also 777.  Well, we’re getting closer to December!  I expect some major changes, so maybe this is it…I just can’t afford to sleep until December 12th, although, I probably wouldn’t mind 😉

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !

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A Shift in Consciousness

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Yesterday was the New Moon Solar Eclipse…I did a few Hindu mantras at night…I just felt the need to do “something”, wasn’t quite sure what, so I was searching on the internet until I found a mantra that caught my attention…the other mantras I did after that, just kinda found me…LOL …they were all basically for obstacle removal or for bringing the obstacle into your awareness so you can heal it. The last one I did, focused on the Sri Yantra Mandala.  As I was doing that one, I just KNEW something profound would happen as a result…I also fell asleep with a copy of the Bhagavad Gita on my bed.  I believe that sacred texts can activate previous states of Higher consciousness that were attained in past lifetimes.

The first time I started to read the Bhaghavad Gita, a very profound experience happened to me…it was my very first experience of turning into liquid form, but that very first time, the sensation scared me and immediately stopped it out of panic.  I didn’t experience that liquid state again until a couple of years later…but that time, I stayed out of fear and was able to merge completely with the element…I was water…I was the sea and I tumbled in with the tide.  It was a very serene and relaxing experience once the fear was gone.

Another example of how sacred texts can awaken previous states of Higher consciousness is from a story a friend told me. He lived in a small town in Puerto Rico at the time.   One day out of the blue, he was drawn to the sacred text “The Vedas” and started to read it out of curiosity…after reading for a few days, he started hearing celestial sounds as a result.  Even when he had stopped reading the book entirely, he was still experiencing this.   His family didn’t understand and wanted him to see a psychiatrist.  Reading the Vedas started his awakening process even though he had never even heard of it before and his family thought it was weird.

So, back to last night… I slept very well, so well, that I don’t even remember my dreams, which is rare for me.  This morning I was taking a shower,  and then BAM! …I was hit with a profound realization of my entire existence, and immediately felt forgiveness for the whole Universe… not even just the whole world, but the entire Universe.  I can’t really put it into words but I realized, like REALLY realized what it meant when they say that we’re EVERYTHING and EVERYONE…I  exist on all timelines, levels, everywhere, everything… ALL of it is an aspect of myself… In that instant, something shifted…

My biggest obstacle up until that point, was not truly understanding this.  Like REALLY understanding it, even beyond a quantum physics level to the point that the understanding is a part of you, not just in your mind, but you can feel it in your Heart , and emanate it from your entire being…feeling it so much, that it made me burst into tears.

I got a rush of information explaining my existence on multiple timelines, growth of a Soul, lessons, and most of all…Unconditional Love & Forgiveness.  How could I hold a grudge, use judgment, or be angry at anyone or anything else, when I realized that they are all an aspect of myself?  They were an aspect of myself that I had already been.  They are what I was, in many lifetimes that it took for me to get where I am now.  Even those which we would label “bad”, are me, were me, before this now moment. There is no need for it to be that way anymore because I understood it.   I was able to understand what all of that meant and was able to forgive the entire Universe.   Huge emotions were building up and I felt a huge release from my core…releasing that which was no longer needed on this journey and understood that I had healed generations of suffering.

Wish I could explain it better.  It’s very difficult to put into words.  I’ll have to say that I’ve been through some pretty strong shifts, but this one was huge.  I didn’t really want to write about it yet, to see how I settle into it, but I wanted to document it.  I wanted to document it while it was still fresh and while I’m still in the feeling.   Since this has been brought to my awareness, I just know that everyone and everything around me will change.  They (we) are free to never be the same 🙂

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Going Through the (E) motions…

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Well, 11-11 came and went…I did an 11.11 meditation video in the morning, from Christine Meleriessee.  Her singing  was kinda funny and made me giggle throughout the video…BUT…even during the funny singing she was doing, I actually felt my Crown chakra swaying and lots of movement in my body.  Laughing is a good thing, it keeps the vibration up :-).  I found the meditation to be very powerful and feel that what needed to be done, was absolutely done without a doubt…Much Gratitude to Christine Meleriessee for providing such a Blessing.

The meditation can be found here:

http://youtu.be/tDtkKQJQMlQ

On 11-11, I did wake up in the morning to see gridlines, but they were just the normal light blue ones.  Also felt myself vibrating extremely hard as I was pulling out of sleep…that intensity was new…  Nothing else happened throughout the day, I was just incredibly tired (sleepy).  I did some grocery shopping during the early afternoon, just going through the motions, and spent the rest of the day in bed resting.  I had no desire to interact with the public.  It’s been very draining this month and my body has been very delicate.  I know it’s just adjusting to the new energies and I honor that.  Lots of rest and staying in bed without the guilt!

My boyfriend seemed mopey and seemed like he was in a grumbling bad mood, so I stayed away from him all day.  He gets like that often.  He was a BIG energy drainer early in the relationship, to the point where I could literally feel his energy hooks or actively draining my solar plexus so much that I could feel the suction.  Some people really don’t know that they’re doing this, so I explained it to him, and he’s SLOWLY stopped doing it over the years.  I don’t mind sharing my energy with others, but sometimes it’s just too much for me to spare…It’s funny, because I felt like a mom teaching a child…I would sternly put up a protection wall around my energy, bring it to his attention, and then tell him to stop.

It took a long while for him to completely stop, but now he’s very moody when he can’t get his energy “fix”….(sigh)  I’ve tried to teach him as much as I can over the last 4 years, but all I can really do is give him the tools to fix himself if he wishes to…it doesn’t seem he’s too interested in working on himself though…we’ve recently mutually  agreed that we’re breaking up and I’m moving back to Los Angeles at the end of December.  I just need to wrap up some stuff in Sedona in December before I leave Phoenix for good…I’m nervous about having to move and come out of seclusion, but in my Heart I know it’s for the best…

I was going to write a little rant here about closed groups in the Spiritual community, separation, and charging money for Divine knowledge, but I deleted it..it’s not important to write about it since it’s something I need to work on within myself.  It wouldn’t bother me, or be brought to my attention if it wasn’t something that I needed to acknowledge and heal.  I’ll just bring awareness to it during this November powerhouse of healing energies and maybe I’ll write about the outcome later.

So 11-11 came and went…now we have the new moon solar eclipse today… some say it’s sort of a balancing of Feminine & Masculine Divine energy to allow the co-existence of both of these elements within your four-body system … all I know is that  I’m a little emotional today.  Cried a little this morning from some past family issues.  That’s new, because lately I haven’t been able to cry for ANYTHING, even if I had wanted to….  I read an email today from Earthkeeper Tyberonn that spoke of the eclipses this month and it explained the sadness.

Here’s part of it explaining the emotions:

“One can expect a much more dramatic feeling to incur. Most of you will be feeling extremely deeply and unexpected emotions, from deeply hidden issues and beliefs may come bubbling up. This allows for a purging of trapped energies you didn’t even know were there. Don’t be surprised if you begin expressing strong opinions about things you didn’t even know before hand were so important to you. It is a time to speak your truth and not allow yourself to be pinned in unfairly by any issue or person.”

Yes, this is a picture of me at the moment…

So there you go, that’s why this hidden stuff is coming up….and I might even be  a little whiney….waaaa…  It seems “petty” the things I’m pondering, but really, it’s something that needs to be addressed within myself and my perception. Just coming up for review…

Let’s see…the rest of November… on 11-22 (22 is a master number) we have a deeper mastery level activation (coupled with all of the Love and Gratitude of Thanksgiving),  and on 11-28 there is the lunar eclipse… another eclipse…Yikes!  I plan to spend the last week of November in bed 😦

The Crystalline Grid

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After my Reiki Tummo attunement in 2008, my 3rd eye became very active…first, I actually saw symbols floating in the room, at various times.  Then I started to see gridlines in the room when I’d wake up from sleep.  The gridlines have changed over the past few years…In the beginning, they were an illuminated light blue color and the squares were about 3 inches.  Then it changed to larger squares about 6 inches, after that, they changed to very close together almost like a basket weave, and now it’s changed to an illuminated white, sparkling, diamond like grid that actively twinkles.  I believe this last grid that I’ve been seeing is the Crystalline Grid.

On the morning of September 5, 2012, when I woke up, I saw the Crystalline Grid with a sideways cross in the middle of it, all connected together.  The grid looks like it’s made of illuminated diamond, like sparkling neon type tubing, and the cross was also completely made out of what looked like sparkling neon tubing.  On the cross there was the shape of a dove facing upward toward the top of the cross.  It was so beautiful and I could feel energies stroking me and comforting me all over my body…then when I woke up on September 13, 2012, I saw the grid again, but this time it had a beautiful big scarab beetle in the middle of it. It was difficult to see what it was at first, because it was so big.  There was a lot of detail to the beetle, and it was shimmering.

I looked up the meaning of the sideways cross and the scarab beetle, and they both seem to symbolize “Resurrection “or “awaiting Resurrection”.  The upward facing dove on the sideways cross would probably symbolize “Ascending to Heaven”, since the downward facing dove in Spiritual artwork symbolizes “descending from Heaven”.

So this morning, I felt lots of work being done on my body and I woke up to seeing the grid again.  This time, it actually had a huge smiling face in the middle of it!  It looked just like a smiling Buddha face!  It was so funny!  There was no outline of the head, it was just the features protruding through the gridlines, and the features appeared to be three dimensional (not just flat).  The facial features looked just like the picture below:

My human brain wants to try to figure everything out, analyze it, completely understand it, but part of me feels that I just need to let things “BE”…I know that’s a large part of Buddhist teachings…I’ve spoken with a Buddhist Lama and monks before, and their advice always points to just letting things go, don’t focus on it.  The Lama reminded me “We do not even have a body”…he was encouraging me to remind myself that I don’t have a body, that it’s not real, and to not hold attachment to it.

It can be a difficult process to totally and completely change your belief system, years of programming, eliminating fear of the unknown.  If I threw all of those old patterns out the door, I’d come to the conclusion that this Crystalline Grid is a live intelligent being that is connected to all that is.  That’s totally weird, but I feel that it’s the Truth.  When we trust our Heart, when we pay attention to all of the signs from the Universe, and when we practice detachment, the Truth will be revealed to us.

I also physically feel energies coming out of my Celestite crystal when I meditate with it.  The energy flows out of it and starts stroking me and I feel so much Love coming from it.  I’ve heard before, that crystals are living beings, but to actually physically feel the energy coming from it has totally confirmed that for me.  So why would the Crystalline grid be any different?

I’ve also heard of the grid being called the “144 Crystalline grid”.  For many years, I’ve seen the number 144 EVERYWHERE.  It’s been brought to my awareness over and over again the past few  years…receipts, license plates, buildings, clocks etc…I don’t really understand the explanation fully, but I’ve read that the 144 Crystalline grid has now emerged into a “seed crystal matrix” that gives birth to the new crystalline form; the double penta-dodecahedron.

Here’s an article by Tyberron Earthkeeper about it:

http://www.earth-keeper.com/EKnews_july07.htm

A couple of times in the past few years, I have seen a stellated dodecahedron suspended in the middle of my bedroom, rotating, which looked like this:

The new geometry for the 144 Crystalline grid is the double penta-dodecahedron which looks like this:

It seems so silly to be here, during this time, interacting with all of this, and not understanding most of it, yet witnessing and physically feeling most of it unfold.  Being so advanced, yet being totally clueless at the same time.  I guess it’s more frustrating than anything…I’m trying though…doing my research so that I can have a broad perspective to see what feels right or resonates, and what doesn’t…spending lots of time on the internet or reading books.  But then I try not to think about it too much, as the Lama suggested… When I’m finished here, I need to have a SERIOUS talk with my future self…I must have a pretty twisted sense of humor….

Energy Sensations – Update November 4, 2012

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Why is it that as soon as I close my eyes to go to sleep, I feel work being done on me?  Every single night, or even when I lay down to take a nap, the movement starts within seconds of closing my eyes…then when I wake up, I can feel it until I decide to get up, and then it stops.  I woke up early this morning and I felt some movement in my head that seemed so 3D, it was bizarre to feel this while being conscious of it.  It seems that this is actually being done on me the entire time I’m asleep, and then I can still feel it pretty strong as I’m waking up.  Besides the reaching into my body sensation, the other thing I’m feeling while waking from sleep, is almost like my energy is bubbling like lava (without the heat).  That’s the only way I can describe it.  It moves around or feels like it’s being pulled in different random areas all over…a liquid type feeling.  What is that?  Or what the heck is the purpose for that?

There’s been a focus on my forehead and Crown area for the past week.  Lots of movement with strong swirling and pulling sensations.  This is more than just the between the eyebrows 3rd eye area…it’s also being done in a small area closer to my temples on my scalp…and of course, I mentioned the buzzing on the top back part of my head in another post. The area near my temple was strange, it felt like someone was using little instruments and digging something out, or moving something around in an area about the size of a quarter.  I felt my hair moving around too. There’s no pain though…so weird…I was actually on the computer when that started to happen, so I was fully awake.

At the beginning of last month there was a lot of movement and pain in the lower body…from the waist down all through my legs.  I had an awful muscular and bone pain all through my lower back and legs that was emanating in waves.  It was a strange feeling, like my bones had nerves in them and that the nerves were firing up in clusters. Such a weird sensation to feel movement in your bones…The muscles felt like they were in the tightening mode right before you’re about to have a leg cramp, but not quite there yet.  It would hold this tightening sensation for hours at a time, it was AWFUL.  About 2 weeks after I experienced this, I started to read about other’s having the same lower body pain on some Spiritual websites.  It seems to happen that way with a lot of my symptoms, I’ll have the symptoms and then other people will start to have the same symptoms 1 to 2 weeks later.

Nothing worked for the lower body pain; no pain killers, salt baths or massage, nothing.  Finally I did a body clearing technique I use, and sure enough I got immediate relief… I did the technique daily and the pain slowly went away a little every day for 2 days until it was completely gone.  From now on, whenever I get pain anywhere in my body, I’ll try to clear my energy first to see if I get any relief.

Yesterday, for the very first time, I had an out of body experience while in a lucid dream.  I was in the lucid dream first and then I came out of my body while in the dream.  Felt all the sensations of floating out and everything…very strange, I didn’t know that was possible, or I had never thought about that happening.  Once I was out of my body,  I had alerted myself that I was in the astral realm, by having the hallway look different than the one here at the house.  Once I saw that, I told myself in the dream, that it wasn’t real and that I was in the astral realm.  I’ve learned to alert myself early on in astral travel, so that I can be prepared for anything that’ll happen.  Usually it’s something weird and confusing, but if I stay out of fear, I’m always able to tame any monster or banish anything trying to touch me or mess with me .  It’s when  I realize I’m not in 3D, that I’m able to stand firm in my energy and demand respect.

That’s all I can think of for now…it’s been pretty calm the last couple of months.  I was expecting things to really amp up since it’s the last 2 months of 2012, but there’s actually a lot less happening to me physically than usual.  That’s ok, I could use a break 🙂

Astral and Etheric Spiders

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Starting in my early 20’s, I remember waking up from sleep and seeing a huge transparent shadow-like spider hanging next to my bed.  There was no immediate fear because I knew it wasn’t “real”.  I just stared at it for a while, so calm and moving it’s legs like it was weaving, and then it slowly faded until it was gone.  I’d seen them on occasion off and on for several years.  I always just kind of ignored it, and passed it off as still being in the dream state.  I didn’t see any after my big awakening in 2007, until about two years ago.  I’ve just seen it one time since this big awakening, it was about the size of a tarantula and it was also on the wall next to my bed when I woke up from sleep.

My curiosity got me, so I researched it online and found a phenomenon called “astral spiders” or “etheric spiders”.  There’s a lot of negative stuff out there regarding this phenomena.  People are saying that they’re negative and that they’re parasites that actually siphon off of your aura and allegedly attack you in your sleep (yawn).  Do I feel this to be true in my experience?…No…I don’t feel any negativity coming from these beings, and I’m pretty darn sensitive.  I’m looking right at them and acknowledge them, and they don’t scurry off or show any fear, they don’t emanate any negativity or fear…they just calmly continue to weave.

This brings me to the subject of dream catchers.  There’s a Native American legend that dream catchers hung by your bed will catch any negativity or negative dreams in the web-like center of the dream catcher.  Since I’ve always seen these spiders while waking from sleep, and they’re always weaving around me, maybe they’re actually weaving a form of “dream catcher” around while I sleep ?

There’s also a legend of Grandmother Spider which is Goddess energy, and various other cultures view spiders as Creator of the universe, bringers of good luck and fortune, and even protectors.  I think I resonate with those explanations a lot better than the fear based ones !

The classic dream catcher has a pattern in it’s web that looks very familiar to me :

It reminds me of the top view of a Torus :

I’ve even woken up from sleep to see the top view of a torus illuminated in white, glistening with a golden sheen above me.   I feel like there’s a connection there, between the astral spiders, webs, the geometry of the dream catcher and the Torus, but I can’t quite figure it out yet.  I’m thinking MAYBE, the spiders are actually attracted to negative energy, and “siphon” it off of your aura because they are a type of transmuter.  That would explain the connection to spider webs, the influence and creation of the dream catcher, and definitely explain the connection to the Torus…the Torus IS the act of transmutation itself.  It cycles and renews all energy, therefore, cleansing it.  Is it possible that these astral spiders are not these big scary parasites that are stealing our energy, and are in fact, only removing the negative energy? Something to think about…

I, myself, have a fear of spiders, and I know quite a few people who have a severe fear of spiders…but why?  Why are we so afraid of them?  Past life experiences maybe?  Is it because they look ugly?  Is it programmed into us by society?  If the positive legends about spiders are true, how can something that I’m so afraid of in this lifetime be my ally?

I was deathly afraid of mosquitoes when I was a kid. Sounds silly, huh ? I would run away screaming if I saw one. My friends and neighbors thought it was hysterically funny.  My neighbors even nicknamed me “Mosquito”.  I could not live that one down… 😦 …but a few years ago, my best friend got bit by a mosquito and actually got the complicated form of West Nile virus from it…the one that causes meningitis.  She almost died.  Did I somehow know or feel when I was a kid that mosquitoes could kill you?

It’s hard to tell sometimes what the real reason is behind our fears or phobias.  That’s something I need to work on.  I’m posting a picture of a spider here, (even one with 100’s of babies on her back-LOL) to force me to look at it and figure out where my fear comes from….Yikes!

Thought for Today

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Thought for today:

“Handle every stressful situation like a dog, if you cannot eat it or pee on it, maybe you just need to walk away from it?”

And of course, don’t forget to stop and smell the roses 🙂

Quote from astrology November overview “Friday November 2nd report” @ http://www.carolbarbeau.com/