Awareness And Release Of Trauma

~ . Some fear the fire – some simply become it . ~

It’s been a while since I’ve written.  Over the past year, I’ve had a series of events happen that have been totally and completely life changing/shifting.  I’ll start with one that introduced me to a new healing modality that I had never heard of before.  This modality has offered exposure and healing for deep down trauma like no other that I’ve ever experienced. I haven’t read anything online about others having this same type of effect from the modality, but I’ll share with you, the profound effect I’ve had as a result.

In May of last year (2018), I got a temporary job with the U.S. Post Office in Phoenix, Arizona.  I left my comfort zone job in remote Utah to take the new job in Arizona. I already knew that it was time for me to leave my “holding spot” and a series of events served as a catalyst for the change… I didn’t have anywhere to stay in AZ since my ex-boyfriend’s house was no longer available, so I started to search the AIRBNB website.  There was a listing that I totally resonated with and I made a request to rent a room for at least a month to get me started. After the first phone conversation with the owner, we both felt that there was a connection and she said it would be okay to rent the room on a monthly basis.

Long story short, the owner is a healer/energy worker and a very talented  artist. She is probably one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever met.  She just radiates a very calming and Loving energy.  She lives in a beautiful home nestled inside South Mountain right near the border of Tempe, AZ. She has a telepathic energy transmuting pitbull and a magical Goddess cat lol…. After a couple of weeks of staying in the home, she casually mentioned “Let me know when you want me to run your bars”….and I was like “Huh???”

I had no idea what she meant by that. What does “run your bars” mean? It ended up that she remembers a full conversation that we had about her doing the Access Consciousness healing modality on me, which focuses on touch points on your head that they call “bars”.  In this conversation, I had agreed to have it done.

We actually didn’t have the conversation that she remembered, but I trusted that she probably had it in a dream or in another realm. Since this has happened to me with other people remembering full conversations with me that never took place, I just went with it.  Either way, I felt good about it, so I agreed (again) lol.

The treatment, I’m guessing, takes approximately 1 hr on average, but you can go longer if needed.  We ended up going for almost 2 hours. I could feel the energy on my head like a Reiki treatment, only, the different bars would cause different sensations in different parts of my body when engaged.  When she got to the “Implant bar” behind the ears, I started to have visions and started to hear things, and to smell things…it was really bizarre the first time that this happened.

The first thing that I heard was pounding, very LOUD pounding. I got the message that this pounding was coming from underground.  I tuned into it and started to smell damp cold Earth, it was very dark. I saw a weathered turquoise wooden box and realized that I was trapped in this box underground.

(It was kinda creepy finding this picture online because it’s the exact same color that I saw..Yikes!)

I was the one who was making the pounding noise as I was frantically hitting and kicking the lid of the wooden box in hopes of somebody hearing my desperate screams for help…I was buried alive underground and left to suffocate and die.

After that vision had passed and played out, I started to smell something burning.  Then I felt extreme heat on the right side of my face. I saw fire. The smell began to change and I realized that it was the smell of burning flesh.  The heat on the side of my face was from my flesh burning in the flames. I was a female in that lifetime and I was being burned at the stake.

After we were done, I continued to have a very active electrical sensation on the right side of my face for several hours.  It’s like my face was repairing on a grid level after I had released the memory.

So I ended up leaving Arizona after a month because the job didn’t work out (I would not recommend EVER working for the Post Office lol) and I was being called to California to deal with creepy ancestral crap involving the paternal side of my family (which is a living nightmare I’ll write about later). When I was done with this other work, I ended up returning to her home in Arizona after a year had passed, and was back at her house again in May of this year, once again, for only a month.

This time we did an energy exchange for each other.  She would run my bars one day and I would do Reiki and other energy work on her at a different time, in exchange.  The next time she ran my bars, and when she got to the “implant bar”, I had A vision of “blackface”.

It was floating in the air like a photograph.  When I tuned into the energy to understand what that meant, I saw myself as an African male standing next to a tree.  I was a slave. I was hanged on that tree and then they lit me on fire. That was a very difficult implant/imprint to remove.  I had to really focus on removing it for quite a while. It took some time, but toward the end, I saw and felt a string (maybe a rope?) unravel in the right side of my jaw.  It was all intertwined and deeply embedded in the bone. It unraveled from my jaw bone, then down my neck, through my shoulder, my right arm and then it was forcefully being pulled out of my right hand.  It was REALLY long, so it took a while to pull the entire string/rope out. I have a feeling that this string/rope is some type of implant regarding hanging. Now that it’s in awareness, it should be easier to clear on other people.  That implant was a sneaky one that’s hard to detect. (**Also, in my personal experience, this implant may also be linked to suicidal thoughts having to do with hanging oneself, which I’ll also write about later).

The next and last time she ran my bars and got to the implant bar, I had a vision of a Knight’s Templar male.  First I saw the symbol, then I saw the sword.

In part of the vision, the sword was placed in my spine (energetically).  The top handle part was where my shoulders were, and the length of the sword pointing downward was in my spine.  I realized that the sword was energetically embedded in my spine when I took the Templar oath. I saw myself as a Knight kneeling.

I felt the strong sensation of loyalty and sense of purpose that I had invoked. It was overwhelmingly strong.  I knew that the oath was affecting my life now, that despite doing numerous vow and contract release techniques, that the sword had still been embedded in my spine on a different level. That one was also difficult to remove because there was such a strong sense of loyalty. It’s almost like a guilt feeling that I’ve abandoned a cause that I believed in so deeply and felt so passionate about. I had the same guilt type feeling in releasing Bodhisattva vows as well…But what I’ve come to realize is that in believing so passionately that we need to keep that vow, in attachment to the belief that we need to save someone or something, we’re actually creating it and keeping the need alive, we’re feeding it energy.  Once we release the belief in that need, in that vow, then the actual need for saving – the reflection of that in this world – will be released. That was a big realization for me. Quite profound…

So after these experiences with this type of trauma/death release, it was brought to my attention that for me personally, this was connected with “bullying” in my life. These deaths that I had experienced in other lifetimes have imprinted a type of trauma/wound that was reflecting/attracting bullying energy.  People being mean, people judging me for being different, people not liking me and making fun of me….this was all connected to the trauma of being condemned to death for being different in other lifetimes or for being a threat to their power over other people.

Maybe we all have such implants/imprints in consciousness;  being burned at the stake for being a witch or a healer, buried alive for being a threat in exposing the truth, Knights Templar destroyed by King Phillip’s command, beheaded for various reasons from various Royalty figures, lynched, starved to death, gassed, stoned, drowned because of our race or the color of our skin.

I’m sure I have more to clear and will definitely continue with my bars sessions.  Although it’s very sad and can be painful to tap into those energies, it’s also very interesting to see where each one connects with what is currently going on in this lifetime, what triggers are related to the particular imprint in consciousness.

But now that it’s in awareness, it should be easier to clear on myself and on others.  I am very Grateful ❤

 ………….~Still We Rise~

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The Awakening ~ Part 1

The Awakening ~

When I first had my Kundalini awakening, I had absolutely NO IDEA what had happened or what I was feeling afterward.  The force of it blew me completely out of my body and I was suddenly in another realm.  I passed through the black void of nothingness  until I saw the essence of the Red Mahakala swirling around in the darkness. It looked like red smoke that formed into the face.

I had to pass through the Mahakala to enter the next realm. In this realm, out of the darkness, a beautiful swirling galaxy appeared before me. The stars seemed to have white and pinkish colors sparkling as the galaxy spiraled in motion (I had never seen the movie “Contact” at this point, but years later when I saw it, it brought tears to my eyes when Jodie Foster saw the Galaxy in the other realm).

I just stared at how profound and beautiful this Galaxy was, until I saw a disembodied face with a tall headpiece (like the Thai Buddha statues) appear before me. It came from the left side of my view.

The face was animated and had a violet/pink color emanating from it and I realized that the face was me!  It stared at me for a while, smiled and winked at me and then I was pulled back into this realm where my physical body was.

Once I came back to my body, all of my chakras were completely blown wide open.  As a result, I was feeling a swaying and tickling sensation on the top of my head (Crown) and in the middle of my chest (Heart Center). I was also seeing symbols floating in the air around me and would begin to see gridlines.  I would spend a lot of time staring at the top of my head, in the mirror, trying to figure out why I could feel it moving, but couldn’t see anything moving lol

Long story short, I eventually got on Google (aka my Guru – lol) and searched “feeling movement on the top of my head” and found information about chakras which led me to the info about Kundalini. Until then, I had no clue what a chakra or Kundalini was and didn’t know (remember) anything about Buddhism.   I did find a lot of stuff that would talk about “Spiritual Emergency” and about some people not being ready for Kundalini and having all sorts of problems.  After extensive research, I decided that the best thing for me to do was to remove as many blocks as I could, and to learn how to work with this force that had completely ripped through my body.

I did a lot of comparison and decided to attend some Reiki Tummo workshops mainly because they worked with the Kundalini energy, removed chakra knots, widened the shushumna and also because they are very focused on strengthening the Heart Center.  I knew I would really need to work on my Heart because I had a lot of childhood trauma and had been in protection-mode for most of my life.

I had been sent to Pennsylvania for a work related 4 month detail when I had my awakening. During this time, I was conducting an investigation on a facility in Reading.  The closest workshop that I found was in Maryland…so within the first month of my awakening, I signed up and took the 3 hour drive to attend the workshop.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into but I felt really good about my decision.

The Attunement (Initiation) ~

The house that the workshop was held at was SO beautiful.  It just felt so mystical with beautiful spiritual artwork, crystals and art pieces from other countries throughout the home.  There was a strong presence of Divine Feminine energy.  When I looked out into the backyard, there was a forest of tall thin aspen trees and everything was white and glistening from the recent snow.  The owner had Husky dogs with white eyes that greeted me at the patio doors as I was staring into the forest in awe.

We all sat in the basement as we listened to Carlos Nakai flute music and were surrounded by the soft scent of sandalwood incense.  They were very respectful and required that everyone be very quiet which made the whole experience feel so sacred. When we had the initial group attunement, I felt a massive amount of Blissful liquid energy forcefully pouring into the top of my head.  It was so strong that it caused my head to move in a circular spiral motion.  When I opened my eyes and looked around the room I could see other people moving in a circular spiral motion too.  There were some advanced practitioners who actually had huge smiles on their faces and had their eyes rolled back into their head as they were spiraling !  I’m not kidding, their eyes were completely white!  They were so overtaken with Bliss from the attunement.

During part of the workshop, in small groups, we would all stand around a person lying on the table, and would all channel energy to the person on the table.  The point and intention of this practice was to fully open the person’s shushumna and to clear/widen the pathway. As I was channeling the energy through my hands, I felt it start to shoot out of my Heart Center.  It was such a beautiful feeling to have this Divine energy coursing through my Heart.  It felt like a pumping motion as it was pouring out.  I was surprised when one of the instructors came close to my ear and softly whispered “Yes, that’s it…use your Heart”.  It was then that I realized that she could actually see everything that I was feeling.

At times during the workshop, I felt out of place because everyone was so patient and Loving and I wasn’t used to being around people like that.  I was still working in law enforcement and had been pretty hardened by my environment.  I knew that I had a lot of work to do and probably one of the most difficult things that I’ve had to work through was getting over the feeling of not being worthy or not good enough to experience this Divine energy.  I guess growing up around Catholics will do that to you…haha

The Clearing ~

After the class, I took the 3 hour drive back to Pennsylvania.  When I got to my hotel room, I cried the entire night.  The initial cleansing process from such a huge influx of energy was brutal!  Before I ended up falling asleep, I asked ‘God’ why I was chosen to experience this and said that I felt that I wasn’t worthy because I had so much negativity from my life. As I was falling asleep and was in that in-between state, I felt something hug/envelope my body and stroke my face in comfort. It lulled me to sleep.

I remember waking up a few times throughout the night and would see symbols flashing one after another in the air above me.  I was getting some type of download.  Many years later, I saw a video where Lisa Renee called this type of download a “ticker tape” download.  That’s a perfect explanation of what I experienced that night…symbol after symbol flashing one after another for several hours.

Early in the morning when I woke up, I saw a little bright blue orb fluttering around in front of my face.  It had little sparkles coming off of it that looked like pixie dust and it landed on my pillow in front of me as it slowly faded out of sight.

Because of the massive cleansing that I was going through from the attunement, I couldn’t attend the 2nd class that was scheduled the next day.  I ended up staying in bed crying the whole weekend.  I had lots of weird stuff happen during those 2 days in bed going in and out of sleep.  I remember that I had a painting on the wall next to my bed and it was of a lake with a tree next to it, on a sunny day.  One time when I woke from sleep, the painting was of the same lake and tree, only it was winter and snowing!  The symbols continued to download and I continued to feel something stroking my face and arm in comfort.

I rescheduled the 2nd class for a month later, but the only one available was at a totally different location in Pennsylvania.  This class would be with a different group of people.  I’ll write about that experience in another post.

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Love ❤

 

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Dream Work ~ February 21, 2018

I had a really strange vivid dream last night that appeared to be from a past life or parallel lifetime. It seemed very Shamanic in nature and involved shadow clearing, which is something that I’ve experienced occasionally throughout this process.

I was in a dimly lit house and everything was dark in black and gray colors (which for me, has always meant that it took place in the lower realms) with three other Native American people.  I think they were family members in that lifetime.

We were getting ready to go somewhere, like on a trip or something, so we were packing the car.  It was dark outside.  When I was going through the rooms to make sure that we didn’t forget anything, I saw a human tongue placed on each bed.  The tongues looked like they were completely ripped out of someone’s mouth but there was no blood.

After seeing that, I was a little panicked, so I began rushing through the house checking everything.  As I was going from room to room, I saw very tall (about 7 feet tall) shadow figures that looked like the silhouette of Native American elders wearing ritual costume (headdress, feathers etc).

I got the message that they were ancient spirits having to do with sorcery.

I went to warn the family members in the house that something was happening, but they couldn’t hear me.  Then I realized that they couldn’t see me either.  I was confused and the whole thing didn’t make any sense.  I was getting frustrated.  Some of the dream was jumbled and confusing which reminded me of when you watch a DVD movie with scratches on it and it skips and looks distorted as it plays.

The next full memory of the dream (that made any sense) is of me shouting “In Nomine Patris Et Fili Et Spiritus Sancti” (“In the name of the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit” in Latin) over and over again and the other family members and I did a group hug and then we all merged together as one.  Then I realized there were multiples (like clones) of all of them that kept reappearing, so all of the other versions of them did  the same group hug and merged with me over and over again.  We just continued to do this for a while until it stopped.

I feel that once we all merged, it was finished.  I also get the feeling that the tongues were actually being voluntarily returned to us.  It was like we were collecting parts of self and merging back into wholeness.  The missing tongues had suppressed throat chakras over many lifetimes (throat chakra is connected to element ether).  It seemed as if the shadow spirits were cooperating because everything had been settled (as in debt) and they no longer had a purpose to hold onto…they wanted to move on, it was not a struggle.

Another thing that I remember from the dream is that when I tried to lock a door, the lock was removed by itself and it just floated in the air in front of me.  Then later, after I had finished with that dream and woke up this morning, I briefly slipped back into sleep again.  I quickly fell into a dream scene of a different brightly lit house, where I could see someone walking up to the front door.  I immediately looked at the door handle / lock and then the door forcefully swung open by itself.  The lock was also removed by itself and was just floating in the air in front of my face…then I woke up again.

I thought about it for a while and feel that the locks coming off is a message that once we begin the unification process, that nothing can be hidden or “locked away” anymore.  Everything is shared, known and exposed.  You just have to deal with it because it’s “in your face”…there’s no more putting it off for later.  There seems to be a massive “Return to Rightful Owner” and Unification happening at the moment.  This is HUGE.

When this process (Return to Rightful Owner) takes place, it can be very emotional.  These parts that are being returned have been missing for a very long time.  Once returned, they can feel wounded, sad, disoriented, traumatized, very exposed…I went through many different emotions, but now I’m feeling a strong emotional Love-type feeling right now.  It’s almost like a Motherly Love and protection that you feel for a child.  This experience was something really big for me…I can’t really put it all into words.

**After writing this, I found Lisa Renee’s latest blog post “Point of Divergence” and she explains the current phase which totally explains my dream…Part of it says:

“The gridworkers are called to witness these fallen forces as they surface into our view from the underworld, or from the depths of the lower dimensions. Many of us are acting as transition teams, holding compassionate witnessing, to move out these entities from the AI timeline, phantom or dead areas, and they are both human and non-human entities. This is sad for us when we can feel the pain existing in the lower dimension of the earth, and we are forced to observe and may feel we are leaving certain people behind.  This emotional processing has required a completion cycle of the old timelines, through clearing out ancestral miasma, cord cutting, and disconnection from certain people or things that are stuck in the miasma of the lower fields or moving onto a different path.”

The whole post can be found HERE

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**Also, on March 17th, I found Lisa Renee’s “Shifting Timelines” Monthly Newsletter “Law of Gender” and in it she says:

“In the process of shifting into the next harmonic universe, many in the Krystic family have been enduring an embodiment phase for the new mathematical proportions of the diamond sun 12 Tree Grid pattern for the fifth dimensional octave. Additionally, many reclamation of identities and body parts from the parallels have been taking place, such as a return of the Adamic lines back to the rightful owner to support their current phase of embodiment. “

The entire post can be found HERE

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Love ❤

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Energy Sensations – Update February 9, 2018

Photo – current Schumann Resonance spikes ~ February 7th – 9th

 

I just wanted to do a quick update…

November and December were so strange for me.  I don’t really want to write about it because I believe that it was the dismantling of something really big.  Although it did not affect me directly, I did witness the (many) people around me completely falling apart…even to the point of an actual suicide and also an unrelated suicide attempt (both happening on the same day).  It’s been bizarre to say the least…  I feel that it has to do with magnetics which are affecting the brain. I’m sure the huge Schumann Resonance fluctuations in the past few months contributed as well.

This area of Bryce Canyon has an amplifying effect to incoming energy and seems to support surges (natural and electrical) which can be intense. The tone in my right ear has been ridiculously loud and fluctuating like crazy.  Sometimes I hear a noise that sounds exactly like a “light saber” from Star Wars. I can hear it and feel it pulsing through me at the same time.  I’ve been shown that the high altitude, along with the energy of this area, will amplify effect on cellular structure.  It somehow penetrates easier/quicker?  That seems to be the message that I’m getting but not sure if I’m interpreting that correctly.

The lights flicker here a lot.  There seem to be power surges when the power will go out on the entire property for a second.  I will have to reset all of the clocks in all of the cabins. This is the slow season, so we’re not using a lot of electricity to cause an overload as opposed to Spring and Summer months.  I just thought it was weird that the natural energy is so “electric” and then we also have power surges with the electricity in the area.

There have also been phases when birds will crash into the cabins. I’ll even be in the cabin sometimes and hear them hit.  I’ll find birds over a period of time and then it will completely stop for a while…

 

Energy Sensations

So recently, I’ve felt something new.  Every single day, I will go into an “in between” trance-like state starting around 5pm.   I’ll get this extreme sleepy-drugged feeling and will not be able to keep my eyes open no matter how hard I fight it.  When I lay down, I’ll very quickly go into this in-between state and start to feel a torus type movement.  I can feel the torus movement in the Diamond Solar Heart area (Solar Plexus, Heart Center and Thymus all blending together creating a torus movement).

When I feel that happen, I will feel the Christed energy generating and pushing outward.  I’m very aware of it while it’s happening, but now while this is happening, I’m noticing that there is a separate torus movement in my head.  It feels like it’s also centering in my 3^rd eye/ bridge of my nose area.

When I initially felt the 2 torus movements, it reminded me of a picture that I saw of the Rainbow body.

To me, the picture looks like the energy is centering in the middle of the head and also in the chest like 2 different torus movements. I don’t know if that’s what the picture means, but it reminded me of what I’m feeling.  I can understand the Heart area, but why would it center in the head too?  What does that mean?

Also, when I’m in the in-between state, I’ll hear single noises; knocking, clicking, bells, or tones (it varies day to day).  Lately it’s been the knocking noise, but I’ll write more about that in my next post.  This has been happening every single day for a couple of weeks.  When I snap out of it, I will feel completely refreshed like I had slept for several hours…but it’s only been exactly 1 hour each time.

There have been occasions throughout the day, when I am completely aware of my entire body being made up of vibrating molecules.  It’s so weird because it feels like my body is disappearing.  It’s a totally different sensation as opposed to usually feeling like I’m made out of heavy liquid or melting into liquid.

Lately when I’ve been waking up in the morning I’ve been seeing the “turtle shell” shaped energy surrounding me.

It’s not brightly illuminated like when I see gridlines, but it’s got a very subtle illumination that seems to be a very transparent golden color.  One day when I saw it, I asked what it was, and I got the word “cymatics”.  So I’m guessing that it’s a representation of the tone that’s being emitted.  I’m thinking that when we emit these tones, our field is surrounded with these shapes/symbols.  That’s very interesting to me…I’ll have to do a little research on that.

A couple of times when I’ve slowly woken up in the morning, I saw a quick vision of a dolphin blowing a toroidal ring/bubble toward me.

The ring comes toward me really fast and by the time it would reach me, I’ll snap out of the vision.  I’ve never had any interaction with dolphins or haven’t really paid attention to them, so I have no idea what that means. I thought it was interesting that it was toroidal since I’ve been feeling the torus sensation lately.

All of my joints have been aching all at the same time.  It’s uncomfortable but not intolerable. I’ve tried so many different things to help with this (essential oils, Bio-Astin, Omega 3’s and Malic Acid supplements, drinking distilled water with lemon, eliminating things in my diet) but nothing has helped.  I’m hoping that this is a phase that will pass.  I’m wondering if it’s due to the energy around here…maybe causing a detox type reaction?

Overall, this has been an extremely active time in this process.  I am constantly feeling so activated as my energy field is always feeling like it’s moving/pulling, melting, vibrating/buzzing or spiraling.

I’m very curious to see where this is going…

 

**I just realized that the last 3 blogs I’ve posted were all on the 9th… 🙂

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Love ❤

 

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Scary Monsters

I’ve noticed a lot of fear popping up in the Spiritual community.  There seems to be a fear of predator energy, a “someone out to get you” theme going around.  What I’m referring to specifically is people rallying against certain teachers saying they’re “not of the true light” “assaulting in the astral realm” etc…  It’s almost like a modern day witch hunt.  It makes me sad to see this in the lightworker community, but at the same time I know that it’s something that these souls have agreed to play out in this lifetime.  It is the dismantling of fear.

I recognize this energy because of a scary experience that I had with a self proclaimed Toltec Sorcerer/Shaman very early-on in my awakening.  It was a scenario that played out in my life with the teacher/student theme.  In the beginning, I only knew that he was a Shaman and wouldn’t find out that he was a sorcerer until after I had agreed to be his apprentice.  I’ll briefly explain a bit of what happened…

Back in 2009, I had taken a trip to the little town of Mesilla, New Mexico, with my (ex) boyfriend.  We were driving through a little street behind the shops and when I looked over to my right, I saw a Native American man with long black hair standing on the sidewalk.  He stood there staring at me…our eyes locked.  He was dressed in all white and had a headband on his head that had rainbow colored beading on it.  As I was staring back at him, he reached his hand up to the side of his face and saluted me as he continued to stare.  I have no idea why I immediately saluted him back…it was just a reflex.

I told my boyfriend that the man had just saluted me and a second later, when I turned my head to point to him, he was gone.  We drove around again looking for him but we didn’t see him anywhere.  It made me wonder if he was really there, or just a spiritual vision/visitation.

I was searching for jobs at the time and was so intrigued by what had happened that day, that I had put in for a government job in a town close to Mesilla.  Very shortly after that, I got the job without even being interviewed!  It just fell into my lap.

To sum it up, there was a man that worked there who had a Native American background. He was an older man with gray hair and a strange white glaze over his eyes.  He told me that he had sent out a request (and did a ritual) for an apprentice to carry on his tradition.  He said he knew I was coming (spiritually) because some employees had killed a snake in the parking lot of the building and chopped its head off.  They had brought the headless snake to him to identify what type of snake it was.  In his belief system, he took that as a sign that someone was coming and because the employees didn’t respect the snake, it would be someone who would not appear to be significant.

As naïve as I was at the time, I thought that he would be my teacher and that it was “meant to be” because of the Native American man saluting me in Mesilla and because I got this job so easily.  I had no idea that this was some crazy Karma stuff that I needed to work through with this man.  Long story short, He did some stuff that led me to believe that he was trying to “steal my soul” and it was the absolute scariest thing I’ve EVER been through.  Toward the end of the whole ordeal, I went through one night of terror where the weather changed very quickly, sounded like someone was walking on my roof and the wind sounded like it was going to blow my house down.  I laid in my bed clenching my Black Tourmaline and invoking the Violet Flame! Lol  I don’t scare easily, so I knew that there were other forces at work here…There’s a very distinct feeling to it, and I will always be able to recognize that signature from now on.

I ended up quitting the job and moving back to Arizona within that week.  I still went through scary feelings for a while after I left.  It was a lot of fear to work through for me and a whole process of coming into my own power.  My closure came when one day my boyfriend had gone fishing and saw a snake in the road that had been partially run over by a car.  The snake was still alive and suffering, so he chopped its head off in an effort to end the suffering.

He brought the headless snake home and it was still moving/wiggling around.  I burnt some sage, did some Reiki and said a prayer over the snake.  When I asked the snake to forgive him and to move on to Source, the snake immediately stopped moving.  My boyfriend said he saw heat waves (life force energy) come out of the snake in that moment.  That was my symbolic closure for what I had gone through with the sorcerer.  The loop had been closed.  I felt completely free of any ties/cords/contracts after that.

But in the end it made me so much stronger and taught me not to depend on anyone to decide what I should do or to protect me.  I had a lot to learn at that point and even though he scared the crap out of me, I now realize that he was helping me to pull the strength from within myself…to stand firm in my own power.  He was a Shaman, although a bit dark (and creepy), I now recognize that he was a master teacher and I am Grateful for his lesson.

When you work through your shadows, make your dark aspects conscious, have an integration of all parts of self, there is no longer fear of something “outside” of self.

It’s an understanding so deep that there are not even words to describe the unification, the understanding of all that is.  I guess it’s like a Shamanistic view of darkness, for what it is, what it REALLY is.

Fear is a tricky thing.  It is probably the most difficult “program” to work through…so deeply embedded. When something pings that fear in our bodies, our minds can start making up all sorts of stories.  We see connections and “signs” that point toward whatever it is that we are going to create.  We pick them out, select them from many options.  It makes for an exciting story doesn’t it?

Choosing fear is a crossroads moment.  We choose…we ALWAYS have the ability to choose.  There can be signs EVERYWHERE to remind us of this:

F E A R – False Evidence Appearing Real

“Choose Love or Fear – the choice is yours”

“LOVE is all there is”

“Fears are stories we tell ourselves”

“Fear and courage are brothers”

“Fear is the prison – Love is the exit”

But yet, sometimes we still choose fear.  From what I understand, fear was originally a program for survival purposes…but it eventually evolved into something else in a world that is severely out of balance.  Just take a look at the “Horror” industry.  People use fear and being scared as entertainment.  I will admit, I do like a scary psychological thriller as entertainment once in a while.  It can be an adrenaline rush.  Since childhood, I’ve always liked twisted mind benders…it stretches the boundaries of “in the box” thinking.

It’s all a matter of perspective…

Fear can be used as a tool.  If you so choose, it can show you where there are vulnerabilities, where something is still being held that needs Love/transmuting. In this process, sometimes we need fear to kick us in the ass to get us moving again.  On my own journey, sometimes I needed something “bad” or uncomfortable to happen, to kick me out of my comfort zone…or used fear to remind me that I was much stronger than that, that I was running an old program that was still in the last throes of existence.

When you look at it from a detached observer view, without emotion involved, you can see a clearer view, for what it really is.  Fear is a reminder.

The darkness is a teacher, an old friend in agreement to show you your own light.

As the darkness envelopes the night sky, it allows you to see the brilliant flickering emanation of the stars.

A Master Teacher will “show” you and remind you where your light is…where your strength lies within…and will continue to do so, until it is unwavering and impenetrable.

It’s like “tough Love” lessons that your children have to go through.  Sometimes a parent won’t bail them out or “save” them, so that they’ll learn how to save themselves.  That is our responsibility as a parent, to teach our children how to become responsible and independent adults…and so is the role of fear.

We are evolving into Unity Consciousness.  As the old programs of separation flicker in and out of existence, we may have moments of condensed triggers…fluctuating between worlds.  It’s important, if not crucial, to stay in your Heart Center during this time.  If you’re feeling fear, take a moment to step back and detach in observer mode.  Get out of the mind and into the Heart space.

After many experiences and lessons with fear, I’ve come to the realization that nobody is trying to hurt me.  It’s only a game, a learning experience that is actually in my best interest.  Staying in my Heart has always provided me with the answers.  Finding the stillness within has always provided the space for Loving guidance.

When we truly believe and embody that knowing, the last veil of separation will slowly start to unravel…Unity Consciousness will be revealed.  There is no separation.  It is all you and it is all in Love.  Perspective is a master key…the stillness is your sanctuary…the Heart is your guide ❤

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Awareness/Realization/Embodiment/Integration/Be-ing/I AM that

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Bifurcation ~ Choose wisely 😉

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Love ❤

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❤ ❤ ❤

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 ~* ❤ *~

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Energy Sensations – Update November 9, 2017

Picture : Bryce Canyon, Utah

I just wanted to give an update on my situation before I begin with regular updates again.

Wow…I can’t believe it’s been a year since I’ve written.  It’s been a tough year to say the least.  I’ve been struggling with finding a place to live, a place to call home.  But one thing I’ve learned is that I’m not allowed to go back to any of my old comfort zones.  Every single time I tried to go back to a place I’ve lived in the past (out of desperation) it had a horrible outcome.

In my search for a place to live, I was very fortunate to have found seasonal jobs that provide housing to employees.  This particular job I’m currently at is in Utah right up against Bryce Canyon and about a 1 1/2 hour drive to Zion National Park.  The owners of the Inn are very sweet and appreciative to have me here.  The season ended on October 31st, but they have asked me to stay through the winter and also to continue to work next season.  So now I have a comfortable place to live (my own room and bathroom) for a year!  Yayyyy  🙂

It was very interesting when I was initially driving to get here.  When I was about 20 miles away, driving on hwy 89, I felt a wall of energy hit my face and upper body.  It didn’t hurt me, but it startled me and was forceful enough to break my glasses!  The frame cracked and broke from the impact. I heard and felt it crack at the same time that I felt the wall of energy hit me.  It was so bizarre.  I immediately stopped any fear from creeping in and just kept driving.  I’ve passed by that same area several times since then, and haven’t felt anything like it again.

Since I’ve been here, I’ve been seeing gridlines when I wake up every morning.  Most times it’s the larger gridlines, but occasionally I’ll see the smaller ones.  I have no idea why the size is different.

This area seems to have a lot of electric energy.  Sometimes my face hurts from it.  There are days when I can see a large bolt of electricity come out of my finger and hear a loud cracking noise when I get shocked from touching stuff.  It can be very painful at times.  It’s just random, so it’s not happening everyday (thank goodness!).  My computer speakers also have a weird pulse noise on them when I get close to them.

My fire alarm in my room will act up occasionally and just ring once in the middle of the night…but I do have a history with setting off fire alarms…

There are a lot of mule deer here.  They seem to be very curious with me and will stop and stare instead of running away.  There is a female and two babies that like to come near me a lot.  I got a good picture of her the other day.  She’s very sweet ❤

After having a very chaotic and anxiety-filled year, it’s nice to be here with such peaceful surroundings.  It’s a very small town, so there’s not a whole lot going on.  It takes me an hour and a half just to get to Walmart to buy groceries. There’s a beautiful scenic route I take when I go to Walmart (Hwy 14 through Duck Creek), so I don’t mind the drive at all.  Here are some pictures of the drive:

The night sky is amazing and I can see more stars than I’ve ever seen anywhere before.  I haven’t taken any pictures of the stars, but here’s a picture of Bryce that I found, to give you an idea of what I’m seeing at night:

I’ve been given the message that I need to stay here away from everything for a while.  I feel fully protected by the canyon in my own little world.  This is some sort of “holding space”.  I feel like I’m repeating the same day over and over again with subtle changes…everyday, while going through the motions, it feels like déjà vu.  Overall, this place has been very welcoming and has allowed me to feel very Loved, accepted and appreciated ❤

**Update – On December 15th I saw a post from Maria Bethencourt called “The Transition Between Symphonic Universes” and in it she says:

“The Collapse Of interfered with Timelines has caused Timeline glitches across all matrices As The Heart Collective steps outside of time.  Many feel it is the same day again, a Groundhog Day effect, as they step outside of time and the 4d.  Others feel like they are in an era, like the 80’s, or 70’s.  This is normal. And these time anomalies will stop once the Heart Collective fully manifests their new reality on the new earth. “

I thought that was a pretty awesome confirmation with feeling like I’m repeating the same day over and over again  🙂 The entire post can be found HERE

 

Energy Sensations

I’ve been going through phases of eating A LOT.  At times, it seems that I cannot satisfy my appetite and will eat a ridiculous amount of food.  I’ve also been requiring a lot of sleep, but every once in a while, there will be a night when I’ll wake up every few hours for no reason with an anxious type of feeling.

There has been a lot of neurological activity going on…lots of nerve clusters twitching, pokes and stinging sensations. A weird cluster sensation in the palm of my hands and the middle of my feet that feels like it’s about to cramp up, but doesn’t quite reach that point.  It’s not painful, but it feels like the palm and foot are pulling inward.  Also lots of fizzy meridian sensations in the legs, torso and top of my head.

I have something weird going on with the right side of my body.  I have gout type symptoms in my right middle finger, right elbow and right knee (not very painful, just mostly stiff).  I recently noticed two very small patches of possible eczema on my right forearm and on my right eyelid.  But it’s weird that it’s only on the right side of my body…absolutely nothing on my left.

There has been a lot of Crown activity in the last few months.  As I’m typing this, I’m feeling a small stream of energy shooting out of the right top part of my head and at the same time out of my right knee.

For the past couple of years I’ve had a very strong pulsing sensation in my High Heart area, but I haven’t felt it for about 4 months now. Initially I thought it was my thyroid so I had some medical tests done (blood tests and ultrasound) but they were all normal.   I’m kind of glad that it stopped because it was so strong that it was overwhelming.  Sometimes it affected my breathing and would get extremely uncomfortable.

The Kundalini has been very active and it’s now more of an all-over-the-body feeling as opposed to only working on certain spots. Lately, it’s mostly been the tickling-all-over sensation which is kind of annoying.  I’ve been getting lots of Crown downloads and sometimes feel a weird popping or crackling on the top of my head while it’s swaying.  I have no idea why it’s changed.  In the past, I have felt the popping and crackling sensation in my Heart Center when the Christed energies are activated, but hadn’t ever felt anything like that on my Crown.

Overall, the energy seems to be pretty active now that I’ve found a comfortable place to live and am able to stay centered.

I am very Grateful to be here ❤

Energy Sensations – Update November 21, 2016

I had a lucid dream this morning…I was standing in front of a lady and it appeared that something was bothering her.  She looked like she was in her mid 30’s and had a very heavy New York accent.   She had a strange look on her face and seemed to be disturbed, so I asked her if everything was okay.

The lady told me that she wasn’t sure if she was okay, because she’s been seeing “strange things” that she couldn’t really describe.  I asked her if they were things that weren’t really there, or indescribable shapes?  Her face lit up and she said “Yes! Exactly”.  I immediately knew that she was seeing colors/geometry/gridlines.

I told her that when I wake up in the morning, I see colors, gridlines and odd looking shapes too.  She became very excited and began trying to describe what she was seeing and during that time, she actually started to see it while she was talking to me….so she was walking around staring upward at the air around her.

As I was watching her, I could see iridescent pastel colors manifesting around her as she stared all around her in awe….Then I woke up from the dream because I heard something…

As I was waking up, I realized that I was waking up to loud chimes in my mind.  This time it was different than the usual chimes.  I heard low/high, low/high, then low/low/low/high.  Then a minute later, I heard a loud chirp.  I know for sure that it wasn’t outside noise, because I sleep with earplugs that completely block out any noise…and I sleep with a loud air purifier in my room and can’t even hear that with these earplugs.

I have been shown in the past that the chimes were a marker for a new level/phase/ initiation. The tones represent an addition to the harmonization of group signature tone. In the past it’s been 2 or 3 tones (and sometimes a chirp), but this time it was 8 tones.  I have no idea what that means, but it will probably have to do with the lucid dream I was having.

I’ll meditate on it later and see if I can figure it out…

**Update – On December 6th, Sandra Walter posted an update that spoke of the pastel rainbow colors.  Under the headline “Plasma Visions and Bands of Light” she says : “Last week during Gatework I had a vision of standing on a beach sending huge sheets of 6D pastel rainbow plasma through my hands into the sky, like a protective barrier. I was told this is preparation work for the Solar influx, and the Pacific has been presenting strongly. ”   The entire update can be found HERE

So that was a pretty cool sync after my lucid dream 🙂

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Over the years, as I was slowly coming into my conscious creation abilities, I noticed that whenever I’m distraught and out of balance (emotionally upset or angry), that bees would come to me.

They are not angry, but they will calmly land on me and hover around me and will not go away until I leave the area.  I’ve found that over several years, this happens only when I’m upset (mostly outdoors but occasionally in the house too).  One time I was so agitated and annoyed being around my loud Aunt, that a bee appeared in her car when the windows had been closed the whole time!  We were both startled by the bee appearing out of nowhere and on my side of the car !  It’s happened so many times over the years (too many to count).  I’ve just learned to accept that they serve as a reminder that I need to control my emotions and “chill out” a bit before I get too out of balance.  This may happen to other people too, but they may not realize the connection.

There was a time at my (ex)boyfriend’s house when I was so angry, that as I was walking in the hallway under a smoke detector, the alarm went on!  Whenever I’d walk away from the alarm, it would stop, but if I walked under it again, it would start again.  There have also been times that I was angry with my ex and the ceiling above me would start to make loud cracking and shifting noises.  I’ve always experienced things flying off of the shelves or pictures falling off of the walls since childhood.  I wonder if it was just me doing that without realizing it?  As a child, I had always assumed it was a ghost or something outside of myself.

The person that I’m temporarily living with (because I have absolutely nowhere else to go) at the moment is a VERY insensitive individual (I can think of better words to describe him, but I’ll be nice 🙂 ).  I’ll spare the details, but I’ll just say that a couple of days ago he killed a deer in the yard.  He eats them….He shot it from the back door, so I was startled by the booming sound of a shotgun in the house without any warning.

He knows I don’t like hunting and that I Love animals, so without detail, I’ll just say that he thought it would be funny to leave the deer by my car so that I’d have to see it when I left for work.  The way that he did it, while he was taunting me and laughing, was very traumatizing to me and I will never get that image out of my mind for the rest of my life.  He clearly fed off of my reaction and I could see the whole process of his consumptive behavior.  It was a very disturbing thing to witness.  Some people are so broken/fragmented.  I wish I could help them all.  It can be very painful to watch.

As I was going out to my car today to get something out of the trunk, I saw some dried blood on the ground and immediately started to get upset again.  I was just staring at it while in deep thought, debating whether to clean it, to burn some sage, say another prayer etc… and within seconds, a bee quickly came and started hovering around me trying to land on me.  It just serves as a reminder to calm down.  Sometimes I talk to the bees and thank them for reminding me.  It’s a very big responsibility to keep the balance once you come into your power.  But there are beings from the different kingdoms that will lovingly help to remind us that everything will be okay and that we are Loved no matter what.  I am very Grateful ❤

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Energy Sensations

Since I last wrote an update, I’ve been going through different stages of a more aggressive Heart opening.  Lots of movement on the front side of my chest and more recently, the back part of my Heart center has greatly expanded.  There were days where it felt like my entire back was HUGE, completely open and exposed.  It was really bizarre.  I’ve also had the sensation of heavy liquid energy shooting out of my shoulder blades.

I’ve noticed that I’ve felt more Loving and want to help people more.  It’s a very strong urge to assist in any way that I can.  There’s been a huge dismantling of the ego and it seems to come naturally to want to help without any expectations.  There’s also a noticeable increase in forgiving people .  It’s not even an effort anymore, it just comes naturally with majority of people (some people take more effort though –lol).  I don’t have to like them, but I will let go of the cords that I would have had in the past. It’s much easier to let go and to stay neutral.

I’ve had some pineal migraines off and on and also some pain in my right eye.  I’ve also noticed an increase in the feeling of a bubble slowly moving behind my eyes.  It’s a really weird sensation of something physically shifting/oozing behind my eyes.  There’s no pain, just movement.

I’m seeing more sparkles and little lights manifesting around me.  Last night, I saw a little white light fluttering around on my pillow when I was leaning on it.  I saw it more than once throughout the night.  Years ago, after my first Reiki Tummo attunement, I cried for days after, because of the massive initial cleansing process.  The first morning after the attunement and having cried the entire night, I woke up to seeing a little blue orb fluttering in front of me and landing on my pillow beside my face.  It had little sparkles coming off of it like pixie dust as it fluttered around.  This little white light I saw last night reminded me of that.

The most difficult sensation I’ve experienced so far, is shortness of breath.  I initially felt it about 6 months ago and went to the Emergency Room for testing.  They did an EKG for my heart, an MRI with dye contrast for my lungs and also an oxygen saturation test.  Everything came back normal/clear and the doctor couldn’t figure out why I was feeling shortness of breath when everything was normal  **Update – months after writing this, I had another trip to the ER and they found that the bottom of my lungs were starting to collapse, but they did not diagnose the cause.

So I’ve felt it many times since then, but recently, I felt it accompanied by some aggressive Kundalini energy moving in my chest and abdomen.  At that time, it had felt like there was a heavy warm pressure energy in my chest with some movement and also some reaching into my abdomen.  So now I know that this shortness of breath is an energy thing (since with my hypersensitivity, I feel energy movement so physically).

Sometimes it also feels like there’s a tightness in my throat like something is squeezing it.  I’m assuming that has to do with a more aggressive throat opening.  I do not doubt that I have many issues (from childhood) that will make for an uncomfortable complete throat opening.  I’m trying my best to work through it, but really, I’m totally clueless as to what I need to do since nothing has seemed to help much so far.

I’m staying neutral throughout this election crap and have not let it affect me one bit.  Overall, I feel pretty good with an occasional disturbance from “insensitive individuals”, but really this has been a pretty calm phase for me.  And should I get too out of sync, the bees are always there to keep me in line 🙂

And for some reason, listening to this song also helps to stay calm.  The whistling reminds me of celestial sounds I hear sometimes :

❤ Jason Barty – Simple Day ❤

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Love ❤